Yogafly2

If I could be two places at once

I would be here for 4th of July:

http://aio.artsny.org/2009/06/gangavataran/

as well as in Texas.

Pandit Satya Narayan Charka is such an amazing master of dance.  In the few productions, I have been that he has directed, I have learned an incredible lot.  

Take it slow, yo!

Umm, this one is difficult for me.  This whole taking it slow business.  But hey, I'm working on it.  I realize that the heaviness of the wonderful sun and heat of Austin help me really just take things one moment at a time instead of all at once.  I'm quite the multi-tasker.

But of course it's something to do with a teaching from Ramakrishna where he talks about the mother who is working at her sewing machine, nursing a baby and talking to a customer - something like this - all at once.  And all in that wonderful word that reminds me of Sawyer-ji - "simultaneously."  I don't have to mantra, make food, create my hitlist (hot sheet, hot sheet, hot sheet) for the day and accomplish it all THAT day.  I can do it one day at a time.  

Or so I like to tell myself.  

But it's good.  I'm enjoying myself taking it slow.  I've managed to teach myself around ten kirtans to play on my harmonium.  But mostly, I have been playing the Hanuman Chaleesa.  I think it's because I have Neem Karoli Baba and Hanuman on my left wrist.  They like it when I play the Hanuman Chaleesa.  I quite enjoy it myself.  

I'm going to start teaching once a week for 2.25 hours at the Love Yoga Co-op on South Lamar - Saturday afternoons at 2 pm.  Why?  This is the time Joan Suval has her afternoon program going on in New York State's Ananda Ashram - and we will TUNE in together.  Feel the vibration.

I have also gotten quite into the Mandukhya Upanishad with Guruji teaching.  "Jumping from the known to the unknown."  Not "monkey" Upanishad, he says, and everyone giggles (this is on CD), because monkeys jump from known to known.  Whereas frogs jump from land to sea - "known to unknown."  

And asana - I realize I have not been practicing asana to the extent that an asana teacher should - thankfully, I'm not branding myself any longer as simply an asana teacher.  I am a yoga transmitter.  I am a yoga radio.  laugh here.  But I'm also serious.  I am a cosmic television.  I almost totally understand this teaching now of Guruji's.  Yes, I know, it's only taken me a few lifetimes.

Just like Sanskrit.  I'm a bit ashamed of my baby baby Sanskrit.  Especially in light of the fact that I've been studying it many lifetimes.  But I do love this Self no matter what.  That's all that counts.

The Ganesh puja with Anita OmKari Gottfried and Jana.

The Guru Gita with Anita, Jana and Eileen.

Meditation every day with Anita.  Our fire ceremonies.

Hamilton Pool.

Barton Springs.

Sadie the golden three year old goddess with whom I get to play everyday!

My wonderful new apartment.

Applying for jobs.

Dating.   I do love my dad for telling everyone that he doesn't care if I ever marry.  That's a good dad.  He's always on the side of his children's apparent realities.

Or maybe it's because I've trained him and my mom enough - when anyone asks why I'm not married (I'm ancient by Catholic Filipino standards), I always say, "because I haven't met my husband."

Svaha.  Apparently, I've been married in many other lifetimes - and it's not as important as everyone makes it out to be.  It will happen if it's supposed to happen.  In the meantime, I'm quite happy in this skin.

Taking it slowly, one Upanishad at a time.

is it possible for my right hand to explode?

Question I asked my massage therapist yesterday.  Intriguing as this heart chakra opens how my hands feel so much shaktih moving into them that they feel like, literally, exploding.  When I first had a huge kundalini awakening - the whole body began to buzz and it felt like I had some sort of live wire plugged into everything in the body that was trying to expand it in every direction.  But the greatest manifestation were in the hands.  My right hand flapped like it was waving at you for a long time.  And then the hand went numb.  And I got some reiki on it at a Shyamdas kirtan from my buddy Siddhartha, the M.D. psychiatrist.  And that seemed to help move it along.

Anyhow, the same sort of energey releases are happening again.  I do wish my heart stuff would relax a bit.  I keep wondering if running a marathon would help it.  svaha.  svaha.  svaha.

Sanskrit

"When you chant in Sanskrit, God comes after you." - Guruji

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

ammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

realization that I tend to want to do other people's work for them.  Why?  Because I feel sorry for people.  Isn't this ridiculous?  Like my intention is so wrong.  Like I should feel sorry for God's children.  Such an ego.  And then I'm like, I'll do that for you.  Because you don't know how to express your feelings.  So I'll express them for you.  But then I leave the person in a worse mess than they ever came to me in.  So I'm stopping this now.  It's a good thing.  A Very good thing.  So much love!!!!!!!!!!!

and bliss in dissolution

Shri Shankaracharya.  It's so wonderful to have this lineage of teachers.  sometimes I feel so utterly alone in this modern world.  that Ilovetohatetoloveto svaha. svaha. svaha.  Nisargadatta Maharaj was right..."until you realize that this world is full of suffering and to be born is a travesty" - or something extreme like this...can you then begin to understand that "you were never born and will never die."

"The real never dies.  The unreal is never born." 

- Nisargadatta Maharaj.

The real Gurus like to be tested.  Guruji is telling me ENOUGH.  of this nonsense.  And to just practice.  I got it today.  At Mudita Yoga Center (it's really not mine and Shawn's yoga studio, it's really everyone's yoga space) - It was nice to come home to see the door wide open and everyone gathered for evening Dharma Punx meditation.  Which was sublime.

Spent all day yesterday with Amma Karunamayi Ma in total silence for most of the day.  That just brought up so much.  Because I went in DEEP.  Into the vast darkness of silence.  Astonishing as I saw all my Ashram sisters and brothers - Ananda Ashram - Durga Devi too - all the way from San Fran.  And I could feel all of us go deep.  Guruji comes through all Gurus for this one. 

And when I got home - I LOST it.  Completely went bonkers.  That was such a maya.  Lila.  maya.  Lila.  All the same.  But I LOST it.  because I needed to lose all that.  And it's interesting as it's all just as real as the total bliss I felt today.  I was actually asking God why it was that even if I felt complete serenity and bliss did I still have PAIN?  And loneliness.  And grief?  And sorrow?  And Guruji again, explaining that these things don't go away.   Desire.  Wanting.  all that.  But look, feel how blissed you are around all that?

true.  In meditation today with our lovely Dharma Punx, "So Ham"  hum.  so sweet in my heart like petals. sweet love.  And just now chanting the Hanuman Chalisa for Hanuman.  The nadam is so loud here at Mudita - like such an embrace of the divine.  But who is here with me?  No one anymore.  Just me.  And you.  And no one at all.

and love itself.

At Marshall's I found 5 pairs of shoes.  that are so perfect for these feet that I have in this wee lifetime.  Five.  I was dancing around in them and laughing.  And talking to my picture in the mirror - the picture that I am not - how I had died and gone to heaven.  Giggling like a delighted child.  I run into Illeana and her child - who shared in my rapture for a bit. 

Happiness is so many people signed up for Mudita Yoga Center's Spring Cleanse with New Leaf Pharmacy.  This is a very special place up here in the Catskills.  I am so happy to be able to call this home.  Even if my body is in Austin somewhere.   "Consider the whole world your home,"  Guruji tells me again and again.  I take his words quite literally.

Saprema,
Sumukhi
Yogafly
Lanuza

Past Lives

Guruji - "Many want to know who they were in past lives.  Who are you now?  Know who you are in the present.  You are not alive.  The body is alive.  The body will die.  Know who you are."

- Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati

Chapter 15 - Bhagavad Gita

Guruji - perfection.  It's exactly what I needed today.  This lesson.  I bow to Guruji's lotus feet.  You can get this recorded at Ananda Ashram - his teachings are profound.  about the ego.   and enlightenment.

na rupam "so attached to concepts, images, to the form.  life time after lifetime you chase after concepts."

like he's talking straight at me.  This is the thing with trusting my Guruji.  He gives such strong lessons, that it's difficult for my big ass ego to get outta the way. 

I'm going to stop beating myself up for not being this idea of "sattvic" that I keep trying to be.  It's sort of hilarious.

"don't jump out of the window when you reach enlightenment.  you will be so happy."

shariram yad avapnoti

I have to concentrate now to chant with himmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

The wandering mendicant

I've moved a million times.  And I'll tell you what always comes with me is a large photo of Guruji (Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati) and Bhagavan (Ramana Maharshi).  Darshan with Bhagavan always reminds me of who I really am.     They both talk to me, you know?  It's hard to explain how they talk to me - because it's not always in words.  And very rarely in English.  But words are not the only means of communication.

I just practice tratakam with Bhagavan - look at this gaze - neither inward nor outward.  A complete immersion.

Today,  I spend time with Amma Karunamayi.  So lucky am I to be able to spend time in the company of saints - both in their bodies and outside.  They teach me to love every aspect of this beingness.  Every single atom of it.  Every single thing.  But without any attachment.

Floating on air I felt yesterday - really like I could leap and leap and the sky would just reach around and grab me and hold me in her blue sky love.  And intrigue of intrigues, it's not as if I didn't have one of the most hellishly difficult days of moving on Monday.  Yet it was also quite sublime in its own Hanuman way.  Hanuman all around playing tricks on me.  Oh where are the keys?  Oh the car has turned off - zipcar - times out.  And darling Sue in the midst of it all.  All the angels who come out and help in NYC.  New York City is filled to the brim with angels.

And here's my own theory of why the goddess loves Manhattan so much.  It's shaped like the most beautiful lingam (penis).  With all those beautiful phallic buildings pointing straight up at the goddess of the night and day skies.  The goddess laughs with bliss and joy and plays again and again on this city of mighty lingams.  Bhagavan is just laughing at my silly play.... 

Now realize, will ya, Sumukhi?  c'mon now.  with love.  from me to you....

Texas BBQ Yoga

Somehow this concept puts me in such states  of laughter that I start crying.  My Ashram brothers, Ronnie (Ron, I just like to call him Ronnie), Barry, Chet, Jimbo (Jim, I just like to call him Jimbo), Mark, Luke and one sista at the table, Erin - and I were talking about Yoga in Texas.  they asked what kind of yoga existed in Texas.  And I said RonnieYoga, JimBo Yoga and ChetBarryJimboYoga.  This started my giggle fest.  Oh how I love to crack myself up.  And then we were talking about Ashrams in Texas.  And I said I would start one, and that it would be called Texas Barbecue Yoga.

TXBBQYoga.com

This concept is so perfect, it just makes me laugh.  Of course, this was just to entertain the New Yorkers, don't get offended, my Texan friends.

Luke came up and told us that someone had graffitied "Ahimsa=Vegan" in the men's dorm at the Ashram.  I asked him if it was in Sanskrit.  He said, no it was in Roman letters!  Ah! 

TXBBQYoga will be vegan, don't worry my friends.  It will be all about the sauce.

on a serious note, Luke - the clairvoyant - asked me about Prema Yoga - which I never told him about.  He was speaking of Mudita.  Everything already exists in the ether - the akasha.  You just have to trust it.