Satsang yesterday with Joan and Guruji - intense. The heart center, city of Brahman, has been undergoing physical and spiritual tremors. The kind where I'm not sure if it's because I have not done enough cardio lately but then my left arm will suddenly shoot up during meditation. And I realize the tremor in the heart is the origin. It's not common that people with heart disease have manifestations like this kriya.
In satsang yesterday, Joan, in full Guruji mode - what a fabulous combo of forces - asked me directly what my question is. And explained to the group that I have been with Guruji many lifetimes. And she asked me why is it that I have that mistrust, that knot (granthi Vishnu) in the heart? And I said, I wish I knew! And Joan explained that the answer was in the question.
And Dorothy - sitting next to Joan - said "look, she's thinking hard, Joan," about my face as it looked up at them. And I was thinking that I didn't have a question, not really. I just had this feeling in my chest, in my heart - palpable, big, tremors, vibrations. And Joan said so what is it about trust? And spoke to the group as I sat there and felt that I was going to cry. But that wasn't the question nor the answer either.
"Do not seek illumination unless you seek it like a man whose hair is on fire seeks a pond." - Ramakrishna. These words I read in "Franny & Zooey" in 6th grade/7th grade when I realized that this "illumination" thing was what I wanted in this life. But what the heck is it??????
And all of a sudden, I got it! And I said just that, "I got it!" And I began to explain that even though I have always DONE everything through intuition, not through intelligence, really. I am very average in terms of intelligence, but I can intuit the right answer in any given moment - even when it pisses everyone off. That even though I shot from the hip. That I did not trust this intuition, the feelings inside, the guidance inside - UNTIL I had my thinking mind analyze it. And when my thinking mind gets in the way - BAM the heart chakra gets all knotted up - knots upon knots upon knots as Joan says.
And just this REALIZATION - AHA!!!!!!
is going to switch the whole paradigm of this existence. woah. I mean seriously, it's TREMENDOUS. For something tremendous has happened...
now I have to go do the laundry. and empty my car out. and get it ready for the mechanic - whom Guruji guided me too. I mean, seriously yesterday, Guruji came to me 1) wondering why I was driving the wrong direction and ended up at the right Gulf station in Monroe where Armando will make sure my car is in good shape to drive across the country and 2) in the form of the Red Hot Chili Peppers when I was thinking about my STUFF -- I turn on the radio and I get, "GIVE it away, give it away, give it away now. Give it away, give it away, give it away now..." So there was no qualms about donating everything to the Ashram - have fun with the stuff. Donating to St. Something church down the street. Giving stuff away in NYC. the only things I'm keeping are books and clothes. amazing how stuff comes any way.
And the stories from Dave Washburn of Guruji's maha siddhis. And this quote from Neem Karoli Baba when asked about Sai Baba's siddhis - including manifestation of vibbhuti:
"He has reduced God to the miraculous."
phenomenal explanation. Phenomenal explanation. the mundane is also the sacred. the sacred is also the mundane. Now let me remember this as I clean out my car now...
OM NAMAH Shivaya.
And Krishnamurti's Coca-cola, coca-cola, coca-cola mantra buzzing with fizzy pop. pop. pop. pop. we don't stop.
Comments