Yogafly2

the love

Consciousness or the Beingness itself is the love; it is formless.

And it wants to exist all the time.  That itself is love.

That love wants to be.  So all your efforts are for that, to

sustain that.  And that is of supreme importance,

because it contains the whole world.  Because of that,

you experience the world.  The world is in that consciousness.

~ Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj - The Ultimate Medicine pg 43
"I AM THAT"

from Nirmala Devi's Daily Inspirations

Nothing Solid

Moving away from our experience, moving away from

the present moment with all our habits and strategies,

always adds up to restlessness, dissatisfaction, unhappiness.

The comfort that we associate with concretizing and making

things solid is so transitory, so short-lived.

Moving into our experience – whether it’s the opening

experience of love and compassion or the closing – down

experience of resentment and separation – brings us an

enormous sense of freedom:  the freedom of nothing solid.

Something about “nothing solid” begins to equal freedom.

In the meantime, we discover that we would rather feel

fully present to our lives than be off trying to make

everything solid and secure by engaging our fantasies or

our addictive patterns.  We realize that connecting with

our experience by meeting it feels better than resisting it

by moving away.  Being on the spot, even if it hurts, is

preferable to avoiding.  As we practice moving into the

present moment this way, we become more familiar with

groundlessness, a fresh state of being that is available

to us on an ongoing basis.  This moving away from comfort

and security, this stepping out into what is the unknown,

unchartered, and shaky – that’s called liberation.

~ Pema Chodron –  “Comfortable with Uncertainty”

Chapter 22 – page43

from Nirmala Devi's Daily Inspirations

FORGIVENESS

To forgive
Is not to forget.

To forgive
Is really to remember

That nobody is perfect

That each of us stumbles
When we want so much to stay upright

That each of us says things
We wish we had never said

That we can all forget that love
Is more important than being right.

To forgive
Is really to remember

That we are so much more
Than our mistakes

That we are often more kind and caring
That accepting another's flaws
Can help us accept our own.

To forgive
Is to remember

That the odds are pretty good that
We might soon need to be forgiven ourselves.

That life sometimes gives us more
Than we can handle gracefully.

To forgive
Is to remember

That we have room in our hearts to
Begin again

And again,

And again.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

from Nirmala Devi's Daily Inspirations

most of the time I have to forgive myself for loving people no matter how "unforgivable" so many of their actions are.  "all God's children" - as Tim Adams likes to say.  All God's children...we are all God's very small, needy children. 
oceans of love,
Sumukhi Yogafly

my materfamilias

together for my grandmother - Enriqueta Rivera Calinog's 80th Birthday. 

the heaven of throwing away needless things

I threw out some stuff today. 

wow - what a cleansing.  And I've painted my room - and Svaha-ed - a thousand times over. 

Om Gam Ganeshaya Namaha.

I can even see the ghosts leaving.  It's fantastic. 

to cleanse. 

Saucha. 

the great leave-taking of the past.  awesome awesome mythology that it was.

I love the infinity of the present moment.

Such freedom.

And my orchids are still in wild bloom.

"there's so much space I could cut me a piece with some fine wine"

the mythologies of old -

how they no longer even seem interesting in the least.

and even old hankerings and desires - they seem so flat now.

someone asked me about "Passion" - of course - I said - I'm passionate about everything.  But what's even more enormous than passion is the gift of the hearing of the call.  Hearing the call.  And responding again and again and again.

my father gave me "the imitation of christ" - by tomas a kempis - and it's been blowing this mind and heart into a billion million pieces again and again.

I'm in love again and again and again and with everyone.  Even the people I find astonishingly annoying.  (I include my own ego in this "annoying" category.  I find this ego to be totally, astonishingly annoying.  but interesting, fascinating at times and I send her soo much love nonetheless..."

Sumukhi - my Sanskrit name

which as Joan Suval says is my "original name"

I like that name - the name that we have beyond all names.

And when she gave it to me - and even before - Guru's Grace - I felt Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati's grace reminding me again and again to know who I really AM.

"Sumukhi" - means "the bright-faced, a face illuminated by the inner light of wisdom."

And Joan Suval explained that she always saw light in this face.   I can't see my own face - except when I look in the mirror or at pictures.  So it's nice that a few others see Light. 

hopefully, even through the shadows...

Infinite gratitude for our Great Guruji's never-ending, ceaseless, moment-by-moment LOVE -

Jai Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati ki JAI!

Ravi Shankar at Carnegie Hall last night

Musicians who take us to THAT place - where the heart swims in a soothing state of contentment:

Ravi Shankar and his daughter Anoushka Shankar last night at Carnegie Hall on sitar - with their tabla player and flute player - provided this body with flows of energy that can only be described as sacred and extraordinary.  Yet, completely attainable.

I have infinite gratitude to Tracy Verma who led us backstage to meet him - and I watched some form of delight, mixed with teenage excitement - when sixteen-year-old Uma Verma - grabs me and Jennifer and squeals - "OMIGOD, that's Nora Jones."  Ravi Shankar's other famous, brilliant musican daughter.  And standing in line to honor Ravi Shankar is Ben Harper and other musical greats.

And I squealed when Uma Verma gave me a hug and said, "OMIGOD, it's Uma Verma" - whom we will see performing at Carnegie Hall soon enough. 

it's a small world - and the Great High Beings, the Rock Stars, the Gurus, the poorest of the poor, the great musicians whom we honor - all everyone really needs and wants - is LOVE.

the answer to any and all questions - "What should I do?"

"Show them love." - Dave Washburn said to me on my way to work that I was a bit nervous about.

And it's true - with love - one can never, ever fail.

The Ecstasy of the Embrace

Today as I walked up the hill from the dining hall at Ananda Ashram -

I felt such a wonderful

prana filled embrace from the wind that rustled my hair

the blue sky that wore itself on my head like an ceaseless cape of protection

I giggled in ecstasy

as the leaves dropped around me

touched me

like the most elegant kisses one could ever wish for

not filled with need

nor longing

nor wanting

And I looked up to see an apple tree shining with bright red apples

and this scene almost had me out of my skin with an absolute incomparable happiness

I can't even begin to explain

so beautiful to be loved by God and Nature -

the way we all are when stop

and are held by the Ocean of the Blue Sky -

as she rocks us gently back to shore

or pulls us in deeper into her depths

The Ashram lake shone back my reflection and

I saw the atmosphere holding

this little one

until the body is no longer even mine...

a chat with an opera singer friend

this morning

and I was in La Traviata - by Verdi - with her

and the songs we sing

when we are not of this world

though

in it,

are the very angels

reminding us

of how far we have

come

along

this

path.

A man talking to his house

by Rumi


I say that no one in this caravan is awake
and that while you sleep, a thief is stealing

the signs and symbols of what you thought
was your life. Now you're angry with me for

telling you this! Pay attention to those who
hurt your feelings telling you the truth.

Giving and absorbing compliments is like
trying to paint on water, that insubstantial.

Here is how a man once talked with his house.
"Please, if you are ever about to collapse,

let me know." One night without a word the
house fell. "What happened to our agreement?"

The house answered, "Day and night I've been
telling you with cracks and broken boards and

holes appearing like mouths opening. But you
kept patching and filling those with mud, so

proud of your stopgap masonry. You didn't
listen."This house is your body always

saying, *I'm leaving; I'm going soon.* Don't
hide from one who knows the secret. Drink

the wine of turning toward God. Don't examine
your urine. Examine instead how you praise,

what you wish for, this longing we've been
given. Fall turns pale light yellow wanting

spring, and spring arrives! Seeds blossom.
Come to the orchard and see what comes to

you, a silent conversation with your soul.

~ Rumi
'The Glance' Coleman Barks

from Nirmala Devi's Daily Inspirations

Healing Chod at Ananda Ashram Oct. 13 & 14

Oct 13-14 in Monroe, NY - www.anandaashram.org

Healing Chod Ceremony
with Tibetan Lama
Dungse Rigdzin Dorje Rinpoche
with Monks & Nuns from Zangdokpalri Temple, India

Dungse Rigdzin Dorje Rinpoche (pictured), son & spiritual heir of the late, great Kunzang Dechen Lingpa Rinpoche will lead the spiritual healing. This ritual has been performed in Tibet for a millenia & is said to provide healing on all levels.

"it healed me." - Yogafly direct experience

Ask, and ye shall receive

Seek,

and ye shall find

Knock,

and the door will be opened unto you.

For thine is the kingdom of heaven.

- Lord Jesus Christ

I trust in you (1000x a second) I say this prayer.

I realize when I was younger - I never had to ask for anything.  It was all given to me.

So I learned as I aged the humility of asking. in order to receive.  And every day, every moment, I remind myself to kneel down, bow down to God inside my own heart and

ask.

and receive.

the grace She gives infinitely.

"unto thee I commit my spirit."

patience

my wonderful friend

my father always told me when I was a kid that I had none

And he said I should develop it.

I've figured out how to deal with my impatience. 

I layer everything on top of each other - and everything happens simultaneously.  None of this one by one business :-)

Yet - I do everything in my life one at a time.

I type these letters one at a time.

And I breathe each breath one at a time.

And I walk down the hill and catch each butterfly one by one...

and let them go.

patience, I've learned

is just about living every single second like it counts

not missing anything

not wanting anything

not desiring anything

at all

and having it all

the depth of even my aches and sorrows

and full fledged joys

my taming of my mane

and holding people's hearts on one hand

and kissing every single person on the third eye

and wishing that

all their dreams may come true

what most don't realize

is that all their dreams already have

and wanting anything more, well, is perfect too

because it will all happen and disappear in the blink of an eye

Hold on to

I-AM

the goddess whispered to me as a migraine hit like a tornado

and I realized it was not my migraine I was feeling but someone else's

and I heard this voice in my head that

said - "we never tell you to take things on that you can't handle"

"we always say,

meditate on I-AM"

And I did this for a few minutes and early this morning at the crack of dawn

and everything BROKE open and I freed myself from everything

but for a second.

And more.

Ahhh.

van gogh 2 cut sunflowers

remembrance of things past that will always strike a chord of love.  sitting at the Met with my sister - the one who sees ever so effervescently - and her taking me straight to this painting.  And showing me - like an angel showing another her wings so that she can fly.

i understand the love theo had for vincent...it ever lives in me...

eggplant purple

the depth of sunlight

such soothing rays of the mother

my favorite things

detachment

even

a golden anger

pricks and pinpricks

little drops of blood

a sigh

heaven

an ascending colon

a levitation

feeling of the right leg wanting to float

a catharsis

yoga class with spontaneous tabla

an eruption of dance

a goddess singing below me

droplets of leaves burnt orange and red

green smiling through the autumn

a shift in consciousness

an ocean of thoughts like objects that aren't mine

anyway

an architect

or 2

a brilliant Jew

or 2

a Latina pop star

or not

a kirtan wallista

or a doctora

who am I?

not you

and not even me

it's oh so fun

oh so delightful

oh so achingly frightful

oh so ecstatically joyful

to be free

to be bound

like Prometheus

and unbound

like Shelly's Prometheus

the Percy Bysshe (sp?)

kind

and Home Depot

how I love Home Depot

for all my wee art projects and big ones

SOWs,

timelines

and calendars

budgets allowing

expanding

and

bursting

into bright golden Phoenix like flames

Chagall

   

Prediction I like :-)

Ma Bha told me after scripture the other day after I apologized to her for not being able to make it to Sanskrit class as I had to worky-work:

"Don't worry about it," she laughed.  "You have plenty of time for Sanskrit because you are going to be here a very long time."

And that is my plan - to always be at Ananda Ashram wherever I go. 

Contentment and Complacency

Santosha - is the word in Sanskrit for contentment.

I practice this a lot and I get very satisfied even with the effort let's say, it takes for me to get up at 4:00 am in the morning and take my morning jog at 4:20 am down the hill to the bus stop on Tuesday mornings.  Or I get super Santosha from gazing

at stars

or flowers

or today - my tie-dye purple white Mick Jagger yoga pants drying in the bathroom.

And then there's the awful lethargy of complacency - which is when I know I have to "For God's sake move on!" but I'm too hardened and set in my ways to do anything about a situation - and I become godawfully Tamasic.

Tamas = Sanskrit for deep, dark, heavy depression and laziness

Tamad= Tagalog for lazy

See the sameness in the two words?

The constitution that dominates in this body-mind is Vata-Pitta (Air-Fire)- so "Tamad" or laziness is rarely an expression of myself.  But I've definitely experienced the darkness of Tamas even in the midst of high activity in the world.  I can accomplish a lot - outwardly - and still feel a heavy weight inside.  Yes - it's happened before.  But now it's quite rare.  But the rarity comes with all the meditation I do - which is about 4 hours a day nowadays on a high day or 2 hours on a low day.  Yet there are 24 hours in a day.  So I'm working on stretching it out to "one-without-a-second."

Santosha - and its English equivalent - contentment - is beyond the word "satisfaction" in English.  Because satisfaction connotes "wanting" or "desiring" something and its attainment or fruition.

Santosha just says - well, everything is just as it should be in every single moment.

So contentment is fun - detachment sits right next to contentment and swings her legs up and down for the sheer joy of having legs to swing. 

I love exercises in logical reasoning (where the mind uses razor-sharp discernment to understand the details of any matter or energy at hand) but the heart must remain ever so loving  throughout the process. 

Compassion goes hand in hand with this wise discernment through logical reasoning to create what is called Wisdom.

It's fun to break down languages - truly.  Just makes a girl so damn happy. 

Sanskrit, Latin...oh so healthy for the heart.

why?  because I begin to understand.  And once I understand, then I let go.  And once I let go, God catches me on his pinky finger and wears me as a ring of gold.

the wisdom of no-self

Isn't it amusing that the teaching which destroys the individual is exactly what the individual wants?

The answer is that there was never an individual.

The knowledge comes that the individual was never there.

- Sri Nisargadatta

from Nirmala Devi's Daily Inspirations

Now, I had a conversation with a child pyschiatrist - who was visiting Ananda Ashram - and we spoke about the need for the EGO in children especially.  And I do see the need for an understanding that there is an "I" - that is individuated - in even some adults.  Because these kids who suffer from major psychiatric disorders don't comprehend that there is an indiviuated Self that can separate itself from the ghosts of memories, hallucinations, etcetera.  When people are going through major depression, panic attacks, anxieties, hallucinations, horror flicks in their minds and they do not understand them to be "separate" from their ego - it is difficult for someone from the outside to say - "Oh stop that, it's all just an illusion."  We have to see that they see these things as REAL - yet - they are not. Much as nothing in our world is actually REAL.  But we buy into everything so much.  oh transcience.  Thank God for the God Timelessness.  So these teachings - like Nisargadatta Maharaj's and so many of the depths of teachings do hinge on meditation on the

"I-AM"

which is above and beyond the small self of the ego and "I-sense" that we all carry around.  I see it as reversing or flipping our viewpoint.  Rather than identifying with the small ego self - we identify with the Absolute - and view the body, mind and senses as tools for the divine in us to play with.  Then we are not so caught up in our petty emotions, feelings, thoughts, etcetera.  And we can truly experience bliss.

my lovely big fat family

I was just having a moment of total gratitude for having such a huge family on both sides - mom - Rivera side and dad - Lanuza side.  I don't hang out with them as much as my Yoga family - all the same, all the same.  But I have and will hang out with my pater and materfamilias for the rest of this little life.  So it's nice that there are so many of us - I can never figure who I'm related to at family gatherings.

or how we're related. 

or if we're actually blood related...

all family.

all good.

all love.

Shyamdas

Shyamdas is an incredible chant master and bhakta - www.shyamdas.com

I have been intoxicated naturally into ecstasy many times at his kirtans.  Here are poems from his latest e-newsletter:

"Surdas, blind from birth, now famous as the 'Sun' of devotional poetry in India, composed 125,000 poems in praise of Shri Krishna.

This year Shyamdas will complete new translations of the poems and life stories of Surdas and the other seven 'Ashta Chhap,' the eight kirtan poet-saints of the Pushti Marg.

Worship love-filled Krishna
    In the devotional mood
        of the Gopis.

What is the point of your
    million practices if you do not             serve Him with love?

Once the fire sages
    asked Lord Rama,
"Give us the pleasures of Sita --             Make us all women."

Now what type of path is this,
       where a man gets
            a woman's devotion?
This is the reverse of all norms.

When the Gopis heard
   Shri Krishna's flute,
they ran out of their homes
    with their clothes and jewels
        in disarray.
But their devotion was in
    perfect union, like type on the printing press is set in reverse,
    yet appears correct
        when printed on paper.

When there is recognition of love,     the Vedic rules no longer stand.

Sings Sur, "The Vraja Gopis
    brought that clever Enchanter
       under the rule of their love."

Radhe! O Radhe!

Clever woman,
    why won't you speak to Him!

The Lotus-eyed mountain Holder,
    Krishna, takes great pains
        to meet you.

Since you beheld
    that enticing Mohan,
you have forgotten the abundant
        pleasures of home.

Sur explains, "Krishna repeats,
       'Radhe! O, Radhe!'
His forest garland over here,
    His shawl over there."

Click Here to read more poems by Lord Krishna's Eight Poet-Friends, the "Ashta Chhap"

Wholeness

"How does the true man of Tao
Walk through walls without obstruction,
Stand in fire without being burnt?

Not because of cunning
Or daring;
Not because he has learned,
But because he has unlearned.

All that is limited by form, semblance,
sound, color,
Is called *object*.
Among them all, man alone
Is more than object.
Though, like objects, he has form and
semblance,
He is not limited to form. He is more.
He can attain to formlessness.
When he is beyond form and
semblance,
Beyond "this" and "that,"
Where is the comparison
With another object?
Where is the conflict?
What can stand in his way?

He will rest in his eternal place
Which is no place.
He will be hidden
In his own unfathomable secret.
His nature sinks to its root
In the One.
His vitality, his power
Hide in secret Tao.

When he is all one,
There is no flaw in him
By which a wedge can enter.
So a drunken man, falling
Out of a wagon,
Is bruised but not destroyed.
His bones are like the bones of other
men,
But his fall is different.
His spirit is entire. He is not aware
Of getting into a wagon
Or falling out of one.

Life and death are nothing to him.
He knows no alarm, he meets obstacles
Without thought, without care,
Takes them without knowing they are
there.

If there is such security in wine,
How much more in Tao.
The wise man is hidden in Tao.
Nothing can touch him.

from "The Way of Chuang-Tzu" (ed and trans Father Thomas Merton)

from Nirmala Devi's Daily Inspirations

Father Thomas Merton rocks - a tremendous gift of writing he left for us.  And so damn honest he was.  He went into a monastery and wrote the mose eloquent poetry of finally being alone with God - "Thoughts in Solitude."  My father sent me a copy of the book and it's difficult sometimes to understand - especially when I get too wrapped up in the mundane world.  Father Thomas Merton's spirit has definitely been with me through some tremendously difficult times.  For this and for so much of his emerging the East to the West - bringing the practice of yoga to Catholic nuns, translating the Tao and more, writing to Henry Miller (the writer), I bow to his lotus feet again and again.

He who knows Love

By Elsa Barker

HE who knows Love-becomes Love, and his eyes
Behold Love in the heart of everyone,
Even the loveless: as the light of the sun
Is one with all it touches. He is wise
With undivided wisdom, for he lies
In Wisdom's arms. His wanderings are done,
For he has found the Source whence all things run-
The guerdon of the quest, that satisfies.

He who knows Love becomes Love, and he knows
All beings are himself, twin-born of Love.
Melted in Love's own fire, his spirit flows
Into all earthly forms, below, above;
He is the breath and glamour of the rose,
He is the benediction of the dove.

from Nirmala Devi's Daily Inspiration e-mails

love and manipulation

lovely satsang again this morning at Ananda Ashram - with MaBha in the lead and the Ashram folks all participating in the Bhagavad Gita.

In the Gita, we read how to see all beings as God. 

God = Pure consciousness.  And MaBha explained that consciousness and love are equal and the same.

This idea of love is very different from the one projected out there by the commonest sense.  Which is: "if you love me, you will do this and this and this thing and act this and such and such way."

A very difficult and sad equation of love that has been projected for all of us to uphold.  The highest beings loved so powerfully that we still feel their love after they have died and left their bodies.  Their love is not the love that is conditioned by even having a body close by.

A body is simply a vessel, a lovely one we all get to have for a lifetime. 

As I understand it - the love that has been taught and projected by everyone en masse - is:

"I love you if..."

and the "if"

includes all sorts of manipulations and versions of control:

"I love you if you look good."

"I love you if you never get angry."

"I love you if you are always around when I need you."

"I love you if you never grow old."

"I love you if you never act stupid."

"I love you if you love me."

"I love you if you tell me you love me."

And we can really project all of these ideas of love back onto ourselves and our relationship to our very self.  "I and you" are the same.  "I and thou" are the same. 

How we neglect aspects of ourselves that we feel are unworthy and unlovable.  And then we do this with everyone around us.  And then we wonder why we feel so distant from everyone and everything.

I realized that I love even when nothing is given back to me in return a long time ago.  The only time this has become a problem is when I sat around "expecting" anything, something in return.  And I was disappointed.  It's not the love that I have for all of humanity that is a problem, it's my own expectation of something back - and the picture of what that something is.  The picture is really an illusion we all cling to for fear of really knowing that all of this wonderful world is a spectacular illusion. 

And our media, magazines, books, newspapers, television love keeping the illusion up for us because they are such fantasies and fancies that can only be contained in the media - and not really by the second by second reality that LIFE really is.   Pictures of scantily clad women and buff men being sexy every second of the day line our magazine racks.  People who have been plucked, tweezed, makeupped, plastic surgeried fill up our television and movie screens.  Live theater, music and dance are so much more alluring than the Internet, movies or television because you can see the spit fly when the actor/artist/singer gets into a scene. 

And I've found that it's so easy to love from afar.  But to love every single day, people as close to you as your own skin, to love one's own skin every single moment - and to see EVERYONE at every single moment- the most disturbed creature in the world, the most schizophrenic, the most harmful, the most angry person - as the light of pure consciousness.  Well, this is my practice.  To touch and not recoil when feeling pain.  To give light where there is darkness. 

endlessly.

I honor the great light within - that shines even when I stop shining.

I honor the great light within you - that shines even when you stop shining.

I honor the great light within me, even when I am bloody, whiney, sick and spitty :-)

And then I must honor the great light within all - and be able to tend to the lepers as Mother Theresa did - without a single trace of "eww, yuck" in her heart.

Namaste.  Namaskaromi.  Namaha.

orchids

wild firey purple hues pink

with white underbelly

my orchids have stayed

fresh

for over a week on my altar

to Bhagavan in their highest forms

symbolic of the work

the deep trusting, non-flagging

work it takes to grow such

precious flowers of

fragility and strengh

mixed like blood and water

I thirst,

but water always comes in

to drink me

up and swallow me whole and fresh

-Yogafly

(the orchids I received after leading kirtan at Ananda Ashram - flowers -- the most precious gift ever for sharing the gift of liberating mantra japa)