Yogafly2

kookry mookry with Dr. Jayanti Patel

Dr. Patel has been part of Ananda Ashram for a very long time.  And yesterday I sat down for a bit of impromptu satsang with Dr. Patel after lunch.

Sometimes I wonder if he remembers my name ever.  I met him in 2001 or 2002 and he calls me Kristina sometimes but mostly he calls me

"Dancer" - lately - because I danced over and over again for his play earlier this summer.   And before that he called me "Jatayu" after the bird I played in the Ramayana.  And he said something very funny yesterday - after asking me if I was married or have ever been married and I said no.

He said "oh but you have been kite flying?"

And I looked at him and laughed and said yes, "I've done a lot of kite flying."

And he said, "a lot of people out here are just interested in kookry mookry.  Someday you will get married."

And I said, "Yes, I'm not interested in kookry mookry or kite flying so I just let go of the string and let the kites fly."

And he laughed and said, "yes, my dear.  Life is short.  Soon you will be old like me so have a little kookry mookry and then be with those who see truth."

I asked him if he could counsel any men I dated.  And he said, of course, "I can counsel on kookry mookry."

And I said to him well, "Everything is predetermined.  So when/if I get married it will be because it's the will of God.  And if I don't get married, then that is also God's will."

And he tapped me on the head as he likes to do and said, "AAHHH GOOD.  You know this truth."

and he chanted Kohum Kohum Kohum Kohum

Sohum Sohum Sohum Sohum

Mohum Mohum Mohum Mohum

and asked me to get him a bowl of mung beans.

I totally adore Dr. Jayanti Patel.  I hope he comes back from India often to visit us here.   And he invited a few of us out to India.  hmmmmm.....God's will be done.  again and again.  my only prayer.

drama drama drama

I was thinking about dramas in general.

Drama vs. Lila.  Drama is like a psychodrama - same story different day, different person kind of thing.  And Lila is the divine play - where we dance, sing and are happiness itself even through life's ups and downs.

And then I thought about television.

And how there's the

1) soap opera drama - the drama where 5 years later, you can watch the show and nothing much has happened because they're still pondering whether or not the people in the show actually have any feelings except bitter, rage and jealousy for each other.

2) the night time sitcom drama - where there are laugh tracks every few minutes to remind you that the drama they are repeating over and over again is SUPPOSED to be funny

but it's kinda sad, really - especially for the millions of people just sitting there for hours watching a dream within a box which is still part of the dream

3) the night time drama drama - like Grey's Anatomy - where the whole mechanism of the repeated viewership lies upon each of the characters NEVER getting what they really want.  You know, we get really caught up with shadows in characters' eyes.  She loves me.  She loves me not.

It's all really quite become boring - television.  The drug of the nation.

And then the MOVIE dramas...the brilliant thing about dramas on Television and Film.  Is that they last - what? 3 hours at the most? 

And each one can ecompass a few years in 3 hours or a few months.  And it's really flipping out the people watching them.  Because we think that fruition, the answer to all of our problems, life, itself should happen in 3o minutes or 2 hours.  And apparently, life nowadays lasts a REALLY long time - 90 years - 125 years?.  And how long it takes an Oak tree to grow vs. how short of a time it takes us to watch a show...get turned on by a concept or turned off by a person in the box.  And how long it takes to attain even an ounce of enlightenment in this lifetime through meditation. 

So why don't we just give up the dramas and play inside our own hearts and minds?  We can really expand beyond the petty ways that brilliant writers have us caught in their traps.  I'm a speed reader - so I can go through quite a few written dramas, novels, plays in the course of a week.  I used to borrow a stack of library books - 20 or so at a time when I was a kid.  And the librarian would ask me if I read all those books.  And I would look at her and wonder what was wrong with her that she couldn't read 20 books in 2 weeks. 

And then I heard that people who watch too much television don't actually develop the portion of their brains that can create.  Because they process everything through the eyes.  And so much of learning that breeds synthesis happens in different portions of the sensory system and the brain.  So those who have their eyes bug-eyed at the television are not as creative - or at least don't get as much done as the people who don't watch television.  Fascinating.  I haven't had a television in a long time.  I can't remember when I last had a television.  But I can still tell you what's going on in TV.  Why?  Because everyone is so tuned in to the Sopranos - that I hear about it...

fascinating stuff. 

Life is a dream within a dream within a dream.  Things are not as they seem.

oh so much love from the universe!

Rejection

is really all not that bad. 

I just had a spate of rejections thrown my ego's way as I pitched away to the media on the telephone - but then I get all these really sweet people who are very kind and talk even for a few moments about what I am pitching.

a very very good thing I'm pitching to the news media.   

And I've realized that they are not rejecting me anyway.  Just another aspect of God rejecting God because the Gods of small things have very little time for anything but small petty things.

And whoever is reading this and I know many of you randomly read this blog- please make sure to sign MoveOn.org's petition to help the monks in Burma who are finally uprising against the military: 

After decades of brutal dictatorship, the people of Burma are rising. In the past few days, hundreds of thousands of peaceful protesters, led by Buddhist monks, have flooded the streets of Rangoon. But yesterday, the military started shooting monks and journalists.

This is a true emergency. Avaaz.org and MoveOn.org have launched a petition demanding Burmese generals negotiate rather than crush the demonstrators. They're focused on getting United Nations Security Council members--particularly China's Hu Jintao--to intervene. Thousands of people from all over the world are adding their names every hour -- will you sign? Click here:

http://pol.moveon.org/burma/?r_by=&rc=mailto

Have any of you read Island by Alduous Huxley?  Burma is very much like Huxley's fictional island.

Mauna - Silence

words are meaningless and forgettable...

this mauna happens when I read Guruji, Shri Ramana Maharshi, Nisargadatta Maharaj...

this "phenomenal" world - is nothing when compared to the "noumenal" world

and I get - why me, born in the Philippines, a country in a continent that reveres silence - Asia -

was quite shocked at the "din and the noise of mundane concerns" all throughout the U.S. when I arrived.  And the trick

the trick

the trick

is not to buy into all the noise-making we do around here in these here parts...

Chanting the Yoga Sutras with Guruji

Everyday here at the Ashram with Jenniferji and whomever can join us for Sutra chanting with Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati.  Yesterday it was John and Lauren - and tomorrow Ken may join us.

Today, I understood that I could not understand Patanjali's Yoga Sutras with the thinking mind at all.

Kaivalyam Nirvanam is described over and over again.  And it makes no sense at all.  No sense at all with the thinking mind.

So the best thing to do was drop every semblance of understanding anything at all.  And I'm left bewildered and strangely enough, totally content.

The Second Night with Guruji 5/2/93 Sri Brahmananda Sarasvati Part 1

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4389241055240914914&q=the+second+night+with+Guruji&total=34&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0

"Everything comes from OM - the whole universe."

-Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati

Confidence feeds on itself

"and unfortunately, so does the opposite of confidence - self-doubt."

-MCAT Kaplan prep guide

I'll have to commend Kaplan for making studying for the MCATs kinda fun and putting these wonderful little reminders throughout it about the ego and test-taking. 

:-)

"You enlighten the mind and the mind enlightens you."

-Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati

MaBha quoted Guruji in this morning's program and I realize what a non-stop journey it is to train the mind.

It echoes the sentiment I said in an earlier post - where I stop the banal repetitive thoughts with teachings from the highest Gurus and Masters - and then meditation sets in.

Meditation sets in, creativity comes in like a dance of gold.  And effortless effort happens. 

"Beauty.  Beauty.  Beauty."

Divine Passion with Andrew Harvey

Andrew Harvey is such a remarkable teacher.  Caroline Myss introduced me to him. 

And through them both, I understand Jelaluddin Rumi, the mystical Sufi poet, more and more.

Watch this, from Omega Institute:

http://www.eomega.org/omega/video/?file=SM07-5702-890_Harvey.flv&source=EPROMO

"the son of the awakened heart"

"greening of the world's heart and mind"

"A strange passion is moving in my head.
           My heart has become a bird
           which searches in the sky.
           Every part of me goes in different directions.
           Is it really so
           that the one I love is everywhere?"
                      —Rumi

Insanity:

"Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

- Albert Einstein

This is where creativity comes into science - and really, all aspects of life.  I understand that meditation is where true creativity lies - because it forces the thinking mind to drop.  The thinking mind is often obtuse and repetitive - replaying and rewinding the same psychodramas that end up sitting on top of one's pure consciousness, the "sky-like nature of the mind" as my Buddhist teachers say.   The "Blue Sky of the mind" as Shri Brahamanda Sarasvati explains. 

So when I meditate - I see the patterns I have that trap me into recreating the same plays and dramas with different people, different day.  And I now stop them.  That's how powerful meditation is.  And of course, it is always with the guidance of the greatest Gurus and Masters that I see - what the next course of action is:

"Do and say nothing."

-Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati reminds me again and again.  Fascinating, because I am a "doer" by nature - and even when I do and say nothing - so much comes out.  But not just in silly words or even actions towards other people - but through poetry, drawings, illustrations, songs, music and even books are writing themselves.   They have written themselves already and all I have to do is get out of the way and be the COSMIC computer that downloads these wonderful gifts from the universe.

"You are not the doer."

- Ramana Maharshi

"Abide in the heart and surrender all your acts to the divine."

- Ramana Maharshi

These teachings coming from enlightened Gurus are the roots of surrender.  I practice hearing these teachings everyday and putting them into my thinking mind.  The thinking mind then drops, and I find that I don't have to replay the same OLD thoughts in my head.  Beauty steps in and here I-AM.  Indescribable bliss and freedom. 

Om shantih, shantih, shantih.  OM.

work and joy

karma yogini - that's me

I love to work.  I find it most intriguing that the less I even identify with my work(s) - the more I get done.  The less I think that I'm actually doing anything - the more seems to stream out.

I'm so very excited because every time I spend extended periods of time at Ananda Ashram - the creativity feels like it's bursting out of my every pore.  Everyday chanting, the fire ceremony, the badger, beaver creatures running across the path, playing with all the children, Yoga Sutras with Guruji and Jenniferji and Bharati. 

Satsang with angels. 

one night.

Satsang with devils.

another.

Satsang with neither.

and there it is -

nectar.

the subject every moment is love...

from Nirmala Devi's Daily Inspirations:

i am no lion
to overpower my enemies
winning over myself
if i can
is enough

though i'm of lowly earth
since i nourish a seed
named love
i'll grow
lilies of the field

when i'm pitch-black
lamenting separation
i know for sure
i will break through
spreading light on the dark night

i am on fire inside
but look grim outside
since i want to rise
like smoke through my cell

i am a child
whose teacher is love
surely my master
won't let me grow
to be a fool

"RUMI, Fountain of Fire"
Poetic translation March 1991 by Nader Khalili
Burning Gate Press, Los Angeles , 1994.

I realize that to love the Self ever-abiding in the heart is the greatest love story that could ever be told.

Fighting for love

is an oxymoron.

- Yogafly

I remember fighting with ex-boyfriends - and I don't like fighting.  I do love constructive discussions - but fighting, with all its emotions, negative words, back and forth - is so soul-depleting - that I came up with the above conclusion.  Generally, fighting comes in because one person feels "unloved" by the other.  When we realize, as Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati reminds us over and over again, that we are LOVE itself, then we realize that we don't have to fight over what we already inherently have.

And then we can go about the true acts of loving - which includes acts of forgiveness, openness, providing space, care, understanding, compassion and helping each other bring out each other's gifts to the world.

Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati - Guruji

Footage of Guruji - supreme teacher.  I honor him everyday:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7055703682975771205

written by Shel Stein - video creator:

Description: Sri Brahmananda Sarasvati (Ramamurti S. Mishra, M.D.)left his body in Mahasamadhi on September 19, 1993.Ten years earlier in November of 1983, he suffered a debilitating stroke and a series of heart attacks, that left him paralyzed on the right side of his body,and unable to speak. Approximately a year later he began to recover his speech and with the help and dedication of his assistants he was able to teach classes every day ,health permitting until the last night for nearly a decade. In May of 1993 Guruji came to Fort Lauderdale to the home of Delip and Sheila Vyas, and held a program every night from May 1st through the 4th. http://www.anandaashram.org/founder.html I was fortunate to have made a video , capturing the highlights of each Satsang. My thoughts were to share this video document on Google Video, because of the spiritual value imparted, and it is a wonderful way to share Dr. Mishra's vibration with all of you. There are 4 nights of video, each in four parts approximately 20- 30 minutes long. I recommend visiting his ashram web site at http://www.anandaashram.com, where you can learn more about his philosophy, teachings, books and tapes. You can also visit and partake of the beautiful grounds and study with his students, and and teachers , who offer excellent programs. Dr. Mishra was very unique in that he had an amazing intellect, a vast amount of knowledge and culture to impart to his students, and he is always there for them. He felt he was a cafeteria for all religions. Guruji also knew how to show you, to take you there, to firmly establish his students on the path. He called Sanskrit, "The Science of Vibration". You just have to watch and listen with an open mind and heart. While I did not spend a lot of time with him, I saw him on and off for almost 22 years,since I met him in 1972. I was fortunate to have taken some photographs and video and learn a little here and there along the way. I believe multimedia offers a whole new dimension, and I wanted to leave something special for my grandchildren. Thank you Google for providing this venue. I also appreciate the encouragement I received from George Leone to move forward with this endeavor. Enjoy...

Ando Meio Desligado de Os Mutantes

Ando

meio desligado.
Eu nem sinto meus pés no chão

Olho,

e não vejo nada
Eu só penso se você me quer

Eu não vejo a hora de lhe dizer
Aquilo tudo que eu decorei
E depois do beijo que eu já sonhei
Você vai sentir
Mas

por favor, (2, 3, 4)

não me leve a mal          (don't remember singing 'me')
Eu só quero

que você me queira
Não leve a mal (2 x)                 (more like this one...)

Não me leve a mal...

laughter is the best medicine

along with solitude

dance and song

but this horoscope made me laugh - I always like to tell people when asked about the mounds of fur walking around the Ashram - "what is that animal?"

"It's a hippopotamus." - wish I could do it deadpan.  But a smile always always erupts across this face...c'est la vie.  I was never meant to be a comedian.  But I was sure born to laugh!

from Brezsny, the cosmic jokester astrologer for Leo types like yours truly:

The nature of your imminent future has certain resemblances to what happened at a Chinese zoo, where a baby tiger named Sai Mai was breast-fed by a mother pig and fully accepted by her piglet "siblings." As your ruling metaphor, we could also use the scenario that unfolded at an animal facility in Kenya, where a young hippopotamus named Owen was adopted by a giant, 120-year-old tortoise. In other words, Leo, you should expect exotic pairings that lead to unprecedented expressions of symbiosis and synergy.

Excerpted from Nirmala Devi's Daily Inspiration

Judge not thy friend until thou standest in his place.

~ Rex Baxters

Nirmala Devi's Daily Inspiration

Embrace your life.  Seek others who touch you in kindness and believe in you.

Find teachers you can trust to guide you, those who will help you awaken

to your essential self.  Remember that your teachers are also on their own path

and equally need your support and understanding.

Be gentle to yourself and others.  Find the ease in your asana practice.

Ask for – and be open to receiving – comfort when you are troubled.

Learn from your suffering.  Do not waste it.  Uncover its hidden roots.

Discover your own prayer and surrender to its essence.

~ Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen

The bliss of sirsasana - headstand

I'm up and now it's 6:03 am - and earlier I decided to practice the headstand.

Funny - how I crashed and burned through the first one and into the wall behind me - so I'll have a big welt on my right knee.

there's something so fun about learning how to crash and burn properly.

So the next headstand is better.

And the next one even better - where I practice Badho Konasana in sirsasana.

In Badho Konasana I feel the lower back open.

But throughout headstand - I can feel the nectar running throughout my arms into my hands - and throughout my face.  And into the earth.

After Badho Konasana comes all variety of Upavistha Konasana in Sirsasana - and aligning the spine in the process. 

This makes my excretory organs have a little fiesta...

And then Back Bends - the bliss of Urdvha Dhanurasana - oooh the bliss.

atha yoga anusasanam

No matter how the wind howls

the mountain will not move.

- Buddhist phrase

My friend would always say this to me - a great friend.  A lovely dear soul brother.  And I see its effectiveness when faced with difficult situations.  As he and I often were in a stressful, tense situation in our old job with a very irate, irritable boss. 

But there's an extreme that can be taken with this and any phrase like it - when not balanced with other adages such as - "Mind your own business" - what happens is that the reason the wind is howling, screaming, terrorizing is so that you will, "for God's sake, Do Something!" about an issue, a problem.  And if you sit, like a rock and say "No matter how the wind howls, the mountain will not move," I realize, as Caroline Myss says - that the angels sit back, slap their hands to their foreheads, sigh and wring their hands looking at God for why we don't take the hint that we are called to "Do something!" and just watch as we humans fumble our way through not taking a course of action that will make life better for us.  This is the power of the human will.  The human will does not have to take God's will.  This is our choice.

As the Bhagavad Gita explains.  Krishna tells Arjuna what course of action he should take and then says - near the end of the Gita - that even with all the guidance, Arjuna could do whatever he wants.

Ah!  The Free Will.

When we are afraid to move... when the wind howls and tells us - time to move on.  We are like Prometheus - creator of fire - bound to a rock for eternity.

I learned this.  And I have to remind myself this when I stand up for myself in face of difficult people and situations with this story:

I will never forget sitting in front of Baba Muktananda's picture at Siddha Yoga satsang - and asking him - "do I really have to confront my terrible, irate, miserable boss about her horrific way of speaking to me and everyone around us at work?"  And he looked at me and said yes.

And the next day,  I went in and let her have it - back and forth yelling we went until we both ended up crying in her office.   I told her that her behavior was intolerable and inappropriate - in  so many words and expressions.  And she agreed.  and cried.

And she left me alone after that but still created uproar all around me.  The wind howled.  The mountain - me - moved.  I was safe.  But not everyone else.  Because she continued to be a HOLY TERROR to everyone around us.  Situations like these are when I hear the message from Guruji.

"Mind your own business."

Meaning - everyone else needed to defend themselves from her too - not put up with her.  I could not fight everyone else's battles for them.  Believe me, I've tried to fight other people's battles for them.  And always ended up exhausted, depleted.  And invariably, these same "defenseless" people come back around and ask me to fight for them again and again.  And that's when the rescuer in me lets go - and says - no, you must learn to stand up for yourself. 

This little Leo learned to ROAR and relax. 

Relax. 

Relax.

Relax.

Most walk away from a lion's roar.  Lions, therefore, rarely have to pounce or attack. 

Simhasana.

Awesome satsang with MaBha at Ananda Ashram

To prepare for the Ananda Ashram Teacher Training and just for more and deeper understanding of Guruji's teachings, almost all of the Ananda Ashram Hatha Yoga Teachers and a couple who will be enrolling in the Ashram's Spring 2008 Teacher Training met with Ma Bhaskarananda for satsang yesterday.

It was illuminating to say the least.

MaBha not only is helping us with Guruji's Fundamentals of Yoga and his teachings - but will be showing us how to teach Guruji's Dynamic Meditations as part of our Hatha Yoga Classes.  This makes me tingle with joy!  And we spoke about integrating the teaching of Nada Yoga into all of our classes - so that we can teach everyone how to understand and have a full relationship with Nadam - the cosmic sound of the universe.

All of the above are very unique to Ananda Ashram and to Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati's teachings.

I feel so blessed - and I know everyone in our little satsang felt the beauty of it all too.

MaBha also explained that it is through the MIND that we access the heart - and specifically through the Ajna Chakra.

Chapter 2 of Fundamentals is what we are concentrating on.  The power of Suggestion - Dhyana.

I'm trying to remember all that we covered - because I felt such a tremendous opening of energy and LOVE for everyone at Ananda Ashram and for Guruji - infinite gratitude.

One of the things I asked was - with all the volatile, crazy personalities that come through the Ashram - are we meant to deal with all of them?  And I said - Guruji was a psychiatrist and an enlightened being and could handle all of them - are we expected to do the same?

And MaBha said yes.

It was how Guruji taught us to look fear in the eye - to be able to stand up for one's self.  She explained that the Ashram was where everyone was invited, no one, not even the craziest are exempt - and that we learned in this public setting to see how we dealt with the most difficult of personalities. 

And I remember one of Patanjali's Yoga Sutras about having "indifference towards our enemies."  And I realize that if I have a difficult time with anyone lately - I send them lovingkindness intentions and then detach.  Let go.  Surrender all beings to God and Guruji.  I should teach this more in class as it's automatic pilot now for me.  And the lovingkindness always, always protects me - even as I say something back to the person who is offending me in any way so that I can have suitable boundaries.

"May I be well.  May I have peace.  May I have joy.  May I have love.  May I be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.

May you be well.  May you have peace.  May you have joy.  May you have love.  May you be free from suffering and the causes of suffering."

For anyone with whom I have difficulty I send the above (always start with the Self) - and somehow - I end up loving the person - albeit from afar most of the time.  It's better to be in my own company where I find a lot of love and care then in the company of those who have a lot of fear and negativity.  I've found.  small bits of time with the insane and the trouble-lovers.  Lots of alone time with me and God.

And MaBha talked about Guruji's boundless love and giving, endless, endless giving.  Never-ending giving of love to all that came to him.  And how as a Guru he was always laughing and friendly - but when he took you on as a disciple occasionally, he would be firm and direct and at times, it would hurt.

Just like when I cry to him lately - all I hear is "DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA"

and this wonderful Nadam all around - and I end up laughing as he laughs at me and my incredible attachments to suffering...

Dad with dogs

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b87/klanuza/Idogs.jpg

taking a moment to celebrate my dad - without whom I would never have survived my years of depression, extreme anxiety and panic attacks from the age of 8-12.

and my sister - too.  she helped me a whole hell of a lot.  I'm glad I chose my family to incarnate in.  And now my Ashram family.  Everyone helps so much.

incarnating with teeth that chatter

just had the chilled feeling of how cool it is to have a body with teeth and to feel chattering...

I felt Baba Bhagavan Das tonight - and he gave me a flower during meditation in the Cosmic Temple when the worldly thoughts came up - deep attachment.  That's how he told everyone with too many attachments to go.  Guruji said once you got the flower, it was time to leave the meditation hall.

But he said I would return.  Again and again.  I return to sit at the lotus feet of my Gurus.

until I never forget who I really am.

so warm by the fire

I love autumn.

really - it is so just yummy.  Sitting at Joan Suval's feet today - and asking why it is that I keep falling asleep lately during meditation - and she asked what it was like. 

And I said - I always know it's ended.  That the meditation or the yoga nidra has ended and I get up. 

And she explained that the consciousness has to watch me sleeping.  That the consciousness has to watch the body sleep during sleep or watch it meditating.  And then I am in the real.

And that I am experiencing yoga nidra - it's just that the body isn't so accustomed to such deep relaxation that I think I'm sleeping. 

I've always said that when I drop into that state - there's absolutely nothing - and there's an unusual sense of what exactly is an "I"?

then the room comes back into view - the living room or bedroom this "I" finds itself in - and it's all very unusual.   extraordinary - that I am in a room and there are people and there are things.  And yet - it's really all just in time and space.  And the space aspect is much bigger than really all the places where we cram the ego and try to say "me," "mine," "no one else's"....

let's see what happens this evening in meditation and after - Guruji and Ramana Maharshi are guiding the way.  And Joan Suval. 

amazing grace.

Om Gam Ganeshaya Namaha

108x today

or at least endlessly

until it becomes one with your heartbeat

Ganesh Chaturti

Oh Lord Ganesh, help me with my obstacles to love, peace and joy.

Oh Lord Ganesh, guide me through my obstacles in everyday life.

Oh Lord Ganesh, I bow to you.  I bow to you.

Uns by Caetano Veloso

Uns vão
Uns tão
Uns são
Uns dão
Uns não
Uns hão de
Uns pés
Uns mãos
Uns cabeça
Uns só coração
Uns amam
Uns andam
Uns avançam
Uns também
Uns cem
Uns sem
Uns vêm
Uns têm
Uns nada têm
Uns mal uns bem
Uns nada além
Nunca estão todos
Uns bichos
Uns deuses
Uns azuis
Uns quase iguais
Uns menos
Uns mais
Uns médios
Uns por demais
Uns masculinos
Uns femininos
Uns assim
Uns meus
Uns teus
Uns ateus
Uns filhos de Deus
Uns dizem fim
Uns dizem sim
E não há outros

I'm having a bit of Brasil nostalgia hoje. 

"vai para onde, Kristina?"

"na rua, na rua," I would say...

gotta get the piano out.

the above song was the inspiration for our band in ATX, So Coracao, with Cyncha Espinal at the helm and the rollicking past life karma yogi whom I loved played bass, D-madness on drums and our super fab guitar player.

Philip Glass does Einstein

Concert - December 6, 2007

at Carnegie Hall - and here I go

today - walking into the subway

and there's a Carnegie Hall Brochure for me left by God on a seat - for 2007-2008

and they'll all be here - the great channelers of NADAM - Bobby McFerrin and Yo-Yo Ma, Ravi Shankar and daughter Anoushka and everyone singing in one symphonic harmony of nada bindu kalatmane

I love when I sit with Gehlek Rimpoche and Philip Glass is in the room - only because I can hear more music in the atmosphere when he's in the room taking in the Dharma - the lessons that not only "learn" us, but change us.

It's all right to sit on your pity pot

every now and again. Just
be sure to flush when you are done.

Learn from the turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks its neck
out.

(anonymous)

from Nirmala Devi's Daily Inspirations

purrring

woke up to cats purring in my ear

this morning

and a dharma talk with Heather the babe

with whom I conducted a foot puppet show

the laughter

the laughter

oh the laughter

surrender

wool

look i'm in the search for wool

stockings and sweaters and all sorts of good things

to keep the skin warm and tickling

rather than cold and dead-looking

wool in orange

bright brazen red

and oxblood she read

was "cool" back in eighty-nine

and now that she has grasped timeless time

it must be "cool" again

but then what is again and again?

she doesn't know anything any more

but that's okay - the teachers say

grab a ball of yarn

and stitch away

cover yourself in blankets

breathe in an autumnal basket

sit beside the fire

let go of all desire

and bask in wool

sugar

have i loved sugar

but it ain't so good for me

sugar

it makes me itch all over

sugar

and now I eat yogurt and oatmeal plain

and it's a bit unsweet

but I feel much better in

my teeth

and in my skin

oh sugar

goodbye

well, only until 3:00 that is

when I should be napping

but I have to be up and staring

with my eyes open

at the computer screen

so a little chocolate sweet

and something small to eat

keeps this girl awake

but oh do the demons quake

with relish and rapture

when I eats me sugar

One comes into existence for a certain purpose

said Shri Ramana Maharshi:

"That purpose will be accomplished whether one considers oneself the actor or not. 

Everything is predetermined.

But one is always free not to identify oneself with the body and not be affected by the pleasure and pain associated with its activities."

The cause of misery is not in life without

said Shri Ramana Maharshi:

it is within you as the ego.  You impose limitations on yourself and then make a vain struggle to transcend them.  Why attribute to the happenings in life the cause of misery, which really lies within you? 

What happiness can you get from anything extraneous to yourself?

When you get it, how long will it last?

Reality is simply loss of the ego.

said Shri Ramana Maharshi:

Destroy the ego by seeking its identity.

Because the ego has no real existence, it will automatically vanish, and Reality will shine forth by itself in all its glory.  This is the direct method.

All other methods retain the ego.  In those paths so many doubts arise, and the eternal question remains to be tackled.  But in this method the final question is the only one and is raised from the beginning.

No practices (sadhanas) are even necessary for this quest.

Song for my friend's wedding

Micheline (www.michelinemusic.com) sang the following song on Tuesday night at Joe's Pub.  And quite a few of us were in tears - beauty brings tears.

And I'm rehearsing the song for my friend's wedding. 

(E.Piaf / G.Parsons / M.Monnot)

If the sun should tumble from the sky,
If the sea should suddenly run dry,
If you love me, really love me,
Let it happen, I won't care,

If it seems that ev'ry thing is lost,
I will smile and never count the cost,
If you love me, really love me,
Let it happen, darling I won't care,

Shall I catch a shooting star?
Shall I bring it where you are?
If you want me to, I will,
You can set me any task,
I'll do anything you ask
If you'll only say you love me still,

When at last our life on earth is through
I will share eternity with you,
If you love me, really love me,
Let it happen, I won't care,

If you love me, really love me,
Let it happen, darling, I won't care

"The Bridge: Transfer of Power" from Pulsation of Godhood

by Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati (Ramamurti S. Mishra, M.D.):

"Now it started.  This was the beginning.  In this beginning came my great question.  "What is the relationship between the guru and the disciple?"  "What is the relationship between you and the unmanifest?  You are some part manifest and some part unmanifest, and how will the gap between the two be patched up, bridged?  This was my tremendous anxiety.  "This gap exists between the known and the unknown, and who will make the bridge between the known and the unknown?  And how can one question such a person?  Still my relationship with this man (Baba Bhagavan Das Bodhisattva) is not established.  I do not know who he is.  But I feel happy in his presence."

And the moment I reached him, he asked one question, very powerful.

"Doctor Mishra, what is the meaning of transfer of power?  And who is qualified for that?  And what is the mystery between the..."

I said, "Sir, you have caught me by the neck.  That is my question.  But how did you pick it up?  Now I pray for you to answer."

He said, "I will answer further.  But you let me know, who is qualified for transfer of power?  And what is meditation?  Can this gap between the known and the unknown be bridged without transfer of power?  Some ship must be there, or some bridge.  That involves transfer of some sort of power.  You may call it a bridge.  It is energy, upholding such a traffic.  What a force!  Sometimes a bridge may collapse if if does not have sufficient power.  The transfer of power is very important.  For that, who is qualified?"

I realized this was the end, the point I was searching.

Pulsations of Godhood

www.anandaashram.org

Let the ego Disappear

"Remember God so much that you are forgotten. Let the caller and the called disappear; be lost in the Call."

-Rumi

I am my own jailer and my own creator of freedom

I got it this morning - as I was meditating.  There it is.  It was so clear - the glimpse and I step into it and expand.

I've created my situation of feeling separate from God, inadequate and small and I therefore I am the only one that can destroy it.

I am my own jailer and the one that holds the keys to my freedom.

I hold the lock and the key.

And I'm unlocking the gates.  it's almost astonishingly simple yet so unearthly that it's difficult to even immerse myself into it all completely.   But here I go.  because there's really nowhere else to go but inward into that wonderful vibrating stillpoint within.  We don't have to leave our bodies to do this, I realize.  It's right here all the time.  All the time.

Brilliance is just as terrifying as constantly complaining that I am victimized by my limitations.

I'm floored by the quote from Einstein that Guruji gave -

in Pulsations of Godhood.

Guruji said that Einstein took up violin in his later years and said that in his next lifetime he wished to reincarnate as anything BUT a scientist.

(When asked about the theory of relativity) :

"It occurred to me by intuition, and music was the driving force behind that intuition. My discovery was the result of musical perception. "
~ Albert Einstein

God Bless Guruji and Albert Einstein and all the musical geniuses of the world.

As I said to my sister - benzene rings, blastulas, Bach and Bartok seem to have a lot in common.

Pulsastion of Godhood - Journey from the Known to the Unknown

with Baba Bhagavan Das Bodhisattva

This book by Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati - is the end of me.

It is the story of his meeting his Guru.

Here is one excerpt:

"Now listen to one day's story.  I had the book of Pantanjali's Yoga Sutras and I had a doubt about some formula.  So I took the book.  When I reached the ashram it was three o'clock, and I never saw him (Baba Bhagavan Das) with luxurious life as he was that day.  One after the other, he was bringing suitcases filled with Kashmiri dresses, examining them and putting them together nicely, then taking another suitcase, taking out everything, very costly things.  This was going on, and finally I was tired.  He did not even care whether I was sitting there.  No, he was busy with his own work.  First he told me, "Hello," then that was the end.

So I tried to ask my question.  I took the book and put it before him, between him and his suitcase, and I said, "Sir,  this is the formula.  It gives me trouble."

And he took the book by force and with red eyes he threw it away and in strong voice he asked one question.  "If the writer does not know himself, then who will explain it to him?  If the writer does not know himself, then who will explain it to him?  If the writer does not know himself...!"

I was sure that I was not the writer of Patanjali's formulas.  But he told, "If the writer does not know himself, then who will explain it to him?"

And I saw his red eyes.  I thought, "Have I done some crime in asking?  And have I insulted him?  Definitely I tried to interrupt his work."

So long, a feeling just like intoxication came, an extreme passing out sensation, and I took shelter against the wall.  I began to feel that as consciousness I was disappearing, and what I was automatically and spontaneously practicing from childhood came.  Every atom and molecule was vibrating, and in that magnetic ocean every pulsation was echoing the same message.  "If the writer fogets himself, then who will explain?"

It was a very great joke.  I passed ten hours there in the same vibration of energy.  When I came back, it was practically two or three o'clock, or it might have been a little later.  I opened my eyes, and he was just sitting, just smiling, with very lovely scenery.  No suitcase, no cleaning.  Just sitting.

He smiled.  "Ahh, Doctor, when did you come?"

I said, "Just now."

"How was your journey?"

I said, "It was perfect."

I have never seen in human history any man who could answer in this way.  The question was, "If a man is involved in vibration and if he goes deeper, what will his relation with vibration be?"

Sabdaartha-pratyayaanam itaretaraadhyaasaat

sankaras tat-pravibhaaga-samyamaat sarva-bhuuta-ruta-jnanam

(Yoga Sutras, III.17, Patanjali)

The word, the meaning and the feeling, these three things we have.  We speak the word, and the word has some meaning.  A book can give us the word, and a dictionary gives the meaning.  But the third thing is missing, the feeling.  Is it possible to enter that?  And how to explain the feeling?  Through words, try to explain the feeling.  You have to use words, but still the feeling is missing.  How can we reach that?

And that point he took as his topic.  And the missing feeling came.  And that was the feeling of oneness."

- by Shri Brahmanada Sarasvati, Ramamurti S. Mishra, M.D.

Om Guru Jai Guru Om Guru Jai Guru Om

Last night, at the last minute, I was asked to lead kirtan at Ananda Ashram after Joan Suval's program which was about

Free Will and Destiny

I never ever ever tire of that topic.  We asked it in Catholic School and we ask it in Yoga School.  Same thing.  Different ways of expressing the same thing.  I do believe the yogis went deeper - but then again, Catholics say it, but in a different way....SVAHA.

During the chant - I hit that state of pure vibration. 

It's that state - and I get this and it's quite questionable as to whether or not I'm "entertaining" anyone at the point when I slip into that pocket of pure vibration but it just happens.

And the chant therefore chants me. 

Lalita-devi came up with this wonderful groovin' chant

"Om Guru Jai Guru Om Guru Jai Guru Om"

that has me seeing Shri Brahmanada Sarasvati dancing and grooving as we chant it.

That's part of my love of kirtan - I always, alwyas, see Shiva, Lakshmi, Krishna, the GANG, GROOVIN

GROOVIN

GROOVIN

or meditating in total blissed out splendor when I chant.  And then, and then, here's what's even cooler - I see the Gurus - Neem Karoli Baba comes, Ramakrishna comes, Shri Brahmanada Sarasvati comes - these 3 especially...oh and Padre Pio...he loves it too.  And they say to me, "sing to us, Kristina.  Sing to us."

And the mere mortals - all of us - well, we just sit back and watch the saints, gurus - oh I forgot about the choirs of angels who come through too - the choirs of angels...we just sit back and watch them do their THANG.

all is full of love.

all is full of Tat.

Tvam.

Asi.

Amor.

Luz.

Vida.

Oh Picasso, Si for Pablo!

"Success is dangerous," said Picasso. "One begins to copy oneself, and to copy oneself is more dangerous than to copy others. It leads to sterility."

Bhagavan Shri Ramana Maharshi

Sadgurunath Maharaj ki Jai!

He and Shri Brahmanada Sarasvati are my SatGurus - perhaps they are yours too.

Powerful beyond all measure, these 2 great beings pull me out of the mundane world over and over and over again. 

I bow to their lotus feet again and again.

From: http://www.ramana-maharshi.org/books.htm

5. What are the marks of the Guru's grace?

It is beyond words or thoughts.

6. If that is so, how is it that it is said that the disciple realizes his true state by the Guru's grace?

It is like the elephant which wakes up on seeing a lion in its dream. Even as the elephant wakes up at the mere sight of the lion, so too is it certain that the disciple wakes up from the sleep of ignorance into the wakefulness of true knowledge through the Guru's benevolent look of grace.

7. What is the significance of the saying that the nature of the real Guru is that of the Supreme Lord (Sarvesvara)?

In the case of the individual soul which desires to attain the state of true knowledge or the state of Godhood (Isvara) and with that object always practises devotion, when the individual's devotion has reached a mature stage, the Lord who is the witness of that individual soul and identical with it, comes forth in human form with the help of sat-chit-ananda, His three natural features, and form and name which he also graciously assumes, and in the guise of blessing the disciple, absorbs him in Himself. According to this doctrine the Guru can truly be called the Lord.

8. How then did some great persons attain knowledge without a Guru?

To a few mature persons the Lord shines as the light of knowledge and imparts awareness of the truth.

From Ramana Maharshi

http://www.ramana-maharshi.org/books.htm

1. What are the marks of a real teacher (Sadguru)?

Steady abidance in the Self, looking at all with an equal eye, unshakeable courage at all times, in all places and circumstances, etc.

2. What are the marks of an earnest disciple (sadsisya)?

An intense longing for the removal of sorrow and attainment of joy and an intense aversion for all kinds of mundane pleasure.

3. What are the characteristics of instruction (upadesa)?

The word 'upadesa' means : 'near the place or seat' (upa - near, desa - place or seat). The Guru who is the embodiment of that which is indicated by the terms sat, chit, and ananda (existence, consciousness and bliss), prevents the disciple who, on account of his acceptance of the forms of the objects of the senses, has swerved from his true state and is consequently distressed and buffeted by joys and sorrows, from continuing so and establishes him in his own real nature without differentiation.

Upadesa also means showing a distant object quite near. It is brought home to the disciple that the Brahman which he believes to be distant and different from himself is near and not different from himself.

4. If it be true that the Guru is one's own Self (atman), what is the principle underlying the doctrine which says that, however learned a disciple may be or whatever occult powers he may possess, he cannot attain self-realization (atma-siddhi) without the grace of the Guru?

Although in absolute truth the state of the Guru is that of oneself it is very hard for the Self which has become the individual soul (jiva) through ignorance to realize its true state or nature without the grace of the Guru.

All mental concepts are controlled by the mere presence of the real Guru. If he were to say to one who arrogantly claims that he has seen the further shore of the ocean of learning or one who claims arrogantly that he can perform deeds which are well-nigh impossible, "Yes, you learnt all that is to be learnt, but have you learnt (to know) yourself? And you who are capable of performing deeds which are almost impossible, have you seen yourself?", they will bow their heads (in shame) and remain silent. Thus it is evident that only by the grace of the Guru and by no other accomplishment is it possible to know oneself.

Helen Keller - inspirational quotes

• Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn whatever state I am in, therein to be content.
• Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.
• Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness.  It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
• No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars or sailed an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.
• One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.

Helen Keller

eat pray love by elizabeth gilbert

this is a profoundly insightful book -

one of the things that comes up in my mind

is because of her frequent breakdowns - crying, crying, deep upset as she goes through all of her transformations - she hears the words of her Guru

Gurumayi - Siddha Yoga ma

who says that if we keep accustoming or habituating in ourselves - breakdowns when we are upset then it just becomes part of our personality.  So we train ourselves to feel the energies of pain, suffering, depression without letting them kill our hearts.  I've got to read that part again actually - bc I've learned from one of my spiritual teachers Caroline Silver in Austin, TX, that when I feel something, just to let it reverberate inside - and then express it later. 

I do this sometimes - but I find that I need to practice this more.  As everyone is waiting for an immediate reaction of some sort in our fast paced world.  And I often oblige.  Rather than doing what I know is better...

interesting to see this.

we are not who we think we are

as I drop into these sounds - the mantra - the sitar music - the silence

the heart center unfolds - and it's like the most wonderful internal cooling energy

And I feel the energy Fly up through the chest and out through the head

An enormous beam of light upward and out of my arms

on either side - like a T

and downward into the earth

And the color is red

sometimes the color is white

And I find that the tightness in the chest I sometimes feel is just an illusion

I remember the reading on the Black Holes - that Guruji taught

and I remember the Dark Night of the Soul - fascinating

And then me when asked - what happens when you go into the Black Hole?

I start chanting Mantra

it's like immediate -

and then yes, as Guruji says - on the other side of the black hole is an entirely new universe

so I dive in with my lovely friend Mantra

Mantra

Mantra

Mantra

Om Namah Shivaya Gurave

Satchidananda Murtaye

Nishprapanchaya Shantaya

Niralambaya Tejase

Om shantih, shantih, shantih

om asya shri Guru Gita

stotra mantrasya

bhagavan sada shiva rishi

Nana vidhani chandamsi

Shri Guru Paramatmaa Devaata

Hamsaa bhyam parivrtta patra kamalair

Divyair jagat karaaanair

Vishvotkirnam Anekadehanilayaih

Svacchandam Aatmechayaa

Tad dyotam pada Shambhavam tu charanam

Dipankura Grahinam

Pratyakshakshara Vigraham Guru Padam

Dhyayed Vibhum Shashvatam

Mama chatur vidha purusharta

Siddhyarte

Jape viniyogah

Hamsaa bhyam parivrta patra kamlair

divyair jagat karanair....

oh so many reasons to memorize the Guru Gita...so many shlokas and as I travel

I  drop deeper and deeper into my very self

Anandamayakosha

Anandamayakosha

Anandamayakosha