Yogafly2

what other people think of you

is none of your business.

"what other people think of you is none of your business"

oh words to live by...

Fear

Usually we think that brave people have no fear.
The truth is that they are intimate with fear.

~ Pema Chodron

from Nirmala Devi

THE WARRIOR

By Hafiz

The warriors tame
The beasts in their past
So that the night's hoofs
Can no longer break the jeweled vision
In the heart.

The intelligent and the brave
Open every closet in the future and evict
All the mind's ghosts who have the bad habit
Of barfing everywhere.

For a long time the Universe
Has been germinating in your spine.

But only a pir* has the talent,
The courage to slay
The past-giant, the future anxieties.

The warrior
Wisely sits in a circle
With other men
Gathering the strength to unmask
Himself.

Then
Sits, giving,
Like a great illumined planet on
The Earth.

*Persian: Saint


'The Gift - Poems by Hafiz The Great Sufi Master'
Translations by Daniel Ladinsky
Arkana, New York, 1999 p135

Sent by Nirmal Devi...warrior goddess

Sorry-Grateful

just watched the musical Company on Broadway.  about marriage...this song -- and then the song after that Raul Esparza sang TO ME! ha ha.  but man the dude can sing!

Sorry - Grateful

You're always sorry, You're always grateful,
You're always wondering what might have been.
Then she walks in. And still you're sorry, And still you're grateful,
And still you wonder and still you doubt, And she goes out.
Everything's different, Nothing's changed, Only maybe slightly Rearranged.
You're sorry-grateful, Regretful-happy.
Why look for answers where none occur?

You always are what you always were, Which has nothing to do with, All to do with her.
You're always sorry, You're always grateful, You hold her thinking,
"I'm not alone."
You're still alone. You don't live for her, You do live with her, You're scared she's starting to drift away And scared she'll stay. Good things get better, Bad get worse.

Wait--I think I meant that in reverse. You're sorry-grateful, Regretful-happy,
Why look for answers where none occur? You'll always be what you always were,
Which has nothing to do with,
All to do with her. You'll always be what you always were,
Which has nothing to do with, All to do with her.
Nothing to do with, All to do with her.

      Being Alive

• Originally from the 1970 Broadway musical,     Company
• Music and Lyrics by Stephen Sondheim

Someone to hold you too close
Someone to hurt you too deep
Someone to sit in your chair
And ruin your sleep
And make you aware of being alive

Someone to need you too much
Someone to know you too well
Someone to pull you up short
And put you through hell
And give you support for being alive - being alive
Make me alive, make me confused
Mock me with praise, let me be used
Vary my days, but alone is alone, not alive.

Somebody hold me too close
Somebody force me to care
Somebody make me come through
I'll always be there
As frightened as you of being alive
Being alive, being alive

Someone you have to let in
Someone whose feelings you spare
Someone who, like it or not
Will want you to share a little, a lot of being alive
Make me alive, make me confused
Mock me with praise, let me be used
Vary my days, but alone is alone, not alive

Somebody crowd me with love
Somebody force me to care
Somebody make me come through
I'll always be there
As frightened as you to help us survive
Being alive, being alive,
Being alive, being alive.

delicious demon

I love tantra - the idea of two opposite worlds coming together to make a whole. 

baby monster was what I used to call the ex - apropos -
baby and monster - because every single person whom you have a deep attachment to - and love - has the very capability of "destroying" you - or at the very least, upsetting you for a wee bit.  In the yoga practice - we can see all of this life drama as a Witness - and we can laugh because even as our world falls apart around us ---  nothing is really capable of destroying us.

As Nisargadatta Maharaj said, "the real was never born and will never die" = we can realize through the practices of yoga that the very essence of us is timeless, infinite and therefore indestructible.  This is satisfying.  So we can create the world, love, create, create, create with the knowing that all will go away and disappear, eventually.

And I was thinking of Lea Salonga - who is playing Fantine in Les Miserables right now and how she explained that in order to sing some of the songs in this musical the way she does in that heart-melting way -- meant going into deep, dark, lonely, tragic places inside her heart and crying and crying - feeling what it's like to be a mother not being able to support her child and having to sell her body in order to do so.  YIKES! 

As I sing and play music it's such an incredible exploration of emotion and expression - and the only way that none of it destroys me as I explore the voice, feeling and the athleticism it takes to sing from the toes up to the top of the head - is to watch this body - mind as a Witness. 

Thank God for meditation.

Where Angels Fear to Tread

by E.M. Forster

another one of my favorite writers.  I must've read A Room with a View maybe 10 times.  I always think great literature should be read a few times over. 

but this book came to mind - Where Angels Fear to Tread - and laughs with Hafiz below.  The main character is sort of an enigmatic, yet ever so appealing and incredibly handsome (well, at least in the movie, whew! who was that man?) uneducated Italian man with whom a Victorian British woman falls in love.  And the gist of the story is how this Italian villager enjoys life to the fullest without any attachment to one thing, person, circumstance or another.  Yet loves.

And loves.  And loves.

even when he loses his child and his wife to death.

a lot for the old Victorian British colonial mentality for "control," "control," "control" to fathom.

Deepening The Wonder

Death is a favor to us,
But our scales have lost their balance.

The impermanence of the body
Should give us great clarity,
Deepening the wonder in our senses and eyes

Of this mysterious existence we share
And are surely just traveling through.

If I were in the Tavern tonight,
Hafiz would call for drinks

And as the Master poured, I would be reminded
That all I know of life and myself is that

We are just a midair flight of golden wine
Between His Pitcher and His Cup.

If I were in the Tavern tonight,
I would buy freely for everyone in this world

Because our marriage with the Cruel Beauty
Of time and space cannot endure very long.

Death is a favor to us,
But our minds have lost their balance.

The miraculous existence and impermanence of
Form
Always makes the illumined ones
Laugh and sing.

 

~ Hafiz

from Nirmala Devi

Mangez Avec Moi

Tribeca yoga Equinox Tuesday night ritual at our favorite little Asian Fusion restaurant where I order either crispy tofu in its many varieties - oh my drool time - or my new love, soul chicken with mango.  I could live on food :-)

and somewhere in the conversation with Brendaji - who is an enlightened yogini runner mama - and I were talking about how we can't pressure anyone else to become "enlightened" or practice yoga or work on their inner life.  This is too much to expect from anyone else, and when we expect and are disappointed or put pressure on others, we commit acts of violence.   But we can work on ourselves  - "autosuggestion" - as Guruji says, is the most important and key factor in achieving Ultimate Reality.

And I said something like, we can only really work on changing "me, me, me"

And as I said this - the etch of the letters from the "Mangez Avec Moi" stencil on the window moved over to Brendaji's face and on her forehead was emblazoned a backwards "moi" - which sort of read like "ioM."  And I told her this and we laughed at the coincidence,

or pyschic phenomenon?

And as Ripley from Ripley's Believe it or Not would say...

as he knew "Choice is our greatest power...."

YOU DECIDE.

so fresh and so clean, clean

the mind and the heart are when cleaned out through the practice of yoga...

half moon this morning - at 4:30 am on my walk with the stars and the deep blue of the night sky

thought of Paul Bowles, one of my favorite writers, for whom a documentary was made called "half-moon" - "the sheltering sky" -

and how exacting he was about his honesty into the starkness of the human equation

no sentimentality at all in his writing

which is, in itself, refreshing

I always ask these beings for guidance -

and he said

"simplify"

Refuse to Fall Down

"Refuse to fall down.
If you cannot refuse to fall down,
refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down,
lift your heart toward heaven,
and like a hungry beggar,
ask that it be filled,
and it will be filled.
You may be pushed down.
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you
from lifting your heart
toward heaven..."

~Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Nirmala Devi

Tired of Speaking Sweetly

Love wants to reach out and manhandle us,
Break all our teacup talk of God.

If you had the courage and
Could give the Beloved His choice, some nights,
He would just drag you around the room
By your hair,
Ripping from your grip all those toys in the world
That bring you no joy.

Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly
And wants to rip to shreds
All your erroneous notions of truth

That make you fight within yourself, dear one,
And with others,

Causing the world to weep
On too many fine days.

God wants to manhandle us,
Lock us inside of a tiny room with Himself
And practice His dropkick.

The Beloved sometimes wants
To do us a great favor:

Hold us upside down
And shake all the nonsense out.

But when we hear
He is in such a "playful drunken mood"
Most everyone I know
Quickly packs their bags and hightails it
Out of town.

'The Gift - Poems by Hafiz The Great Sufi Master'
Translations by Daniel Ladinsky

Nirmala Devi - you rock! girlfriend...

happiness

i remember my sister talking about some wonderful man running around saying "happiness is the greatest good"

happiness is the greatest good

Ma Bha read from Guruji's text on happiness where he tells a story about a husband and a wife who were very, very poor but worked hard in the laundry business.  The wife had a deep devotion to God, a spiritual practice where she chanted, sang and danced with the name of the divine.  The husband was a very unhappy man.  One day they became very wealthy from oils they made and sold.  And they became millionaires.

Throughout this the wife remained devoted to God and one day God visited her and said he would grant her any wish she would like.  And she told God that she couldn't really ask for anything more as she had everything - she was happy with God, her husband and she was a millionaire.  And God asked her again as to what could be one wish that she didn't have.

and I knew this was coming...

she asked, "God, will you make my husband happy?"

and he said he could give her husband anything he wanted, wealth, fame, a wife, children, land, the entire universe but he couldn't give him happiness.  That, he had to get from himself. 

The point of the story being, the husband refused to be what he is...happiness itself. 

We are Ananda.

Bliss itself.

so it always goes to show - that we are not responsible for anyone else's happiness.  They are.  We are only responsible for our own.

om shantih, shantih, shantih

green tea chai latte

a few little pleasures

so delectable

like walking before dawn breaks and being wrapped up in the deep blue of the sky

stars guiding my way and silence all around - breaking the old storylines into something new

and arriving at columbus circle on the edge of central park

and asking for a tall green tea chai latte from starbucks

and receiving it

ask and ye shall receive

and the message on the mug from Jimmy Carter:

"peace is more than just the absence of war.  People everywhere seek an inner peace that comes from the human rights to voice their views, choose their leaders, feed their families and raise healthy children."

Jimmy Carter, former U.S. President and Nobel Peace Prize Winner

and I'm grateful for all the melodies I'm downloading from the ether at Ananda Ashram

and for Roopji's Nada Yoga meditation weekend for awakening these sounds - new, everlasting melodies, they are so yummy, I feel my energy awakening all around the joy.

and then seeing how to Witness everything in life from the standpoint of not being so involved - more evolved consciousness...awakening.  very strange.  and unusual.

question at Ananda Ashram

"what are your plans, Kristina?"

and Laraaji answering for me...something like

"plans to be ever present for the NOW"

and I said,

"I plan on Laraaji being my booking agent."

for the now

and deep laughter from Laraaji at this comment.

the truth is, I have umpteen million plans - but the greatest plan I have is

"thy will be done"

and then my song goes

"they will be done, until the end of this one. 

this one, this one, this one heart of mine

is thine"

to God, and Guruji, I offer my life...

I keep seeing and hearing this Reverend - African American spiritualist in my head...

declaring -

"I'm toooo blessed

to be stressed."

A Blessing

May you awaken to the mystery of being here and enter
the quiet immensity of your own presence.

May you have joy and peace in the temple of your
senses.

May you receive great encouragement when new frontiers
beckon.

May you respond to the call of your gift and find the
courage to follow its path.

May the flame of anger free you from falsity.

May warmth of heart keep your presence aflame and may
anxiety never linger about you.

May your outer dignity mirror an inner dignity of
soul.

May you take time to celebrate the quiet miracles that
seek no attention.

May you be consoled in the secret symmetry of your
soul.

May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven
around the heart of wonder.

~ John O'Donohue ~
(Anam Cara)

from Nirmala Devi's Daily Inspirations

On Doubt

fascinating how the readings at Ananda Ashram are exactly the ones I need to hear.  Came home last night to the Ashram and the nadam was defeaning.  That was great.  Deafening.  I couldn't hear anything else - it was like a beautiful cacophany that took over my entire being from head to toe.  I felt quite drunk on it.  Then Yoga Nidra - wow - what a practice and then up at 3:30 am. 

Tonight - talks centered around the klesha of doubt.  and how even the gods had doubt! and Jesus and Buddha and all the great beings...

thought of one of my favorite Catholic prayers, help me out here, Mom, was it St. Bernard, my patron saint to whom this was attributed to...

Soul of Christ, sanctify me

Body of Christ, save me

Water from the side of Christ, wash me

Blood of Christ, inebriate me

(and I sing this as a song where I say, "drunken me, drunken me" - oops I may have just stepped on a sleeping cat under my knees here, excuse me kitty or whatever furry animal that was.  The other day, I got up from meditation and there was a bat sitting with me and brave Bharati took it outside.  I looked at the bat and asked Ma Bha - "is that a joke?"  a cosmic one)

Oh Good Jesus, hear me

Within thy wounds hide me

Suffer me never to be separated from thee

From the malignant enemy defend me

And at the hour of my death, call me and bid me

Come unto thee

So that with thy saints,  I may praise thee

forever and ever, Amen.

This prayer seemed to sing in my mind tonight during meditation as everything crackled inside the body and rippled out all of the NYC karma I process for my daily bread.

Ma Bha read from the Ramayana and Guruji's unpublished text on doubt - where he defines doubt as the mind oscillating in many different directions about one object.  One object - many different thoughts, opinions, ideas.  And Guruji says that doubt keeps us from following false prophets, but it can also keep us from realizing Ultimate reality.  This is why we need to "remain in the company of saints" who read to us from the Ramayana and keep us in line.

And we chanted

Om Ram Ramayana Namaha

108x on the mala beads

while Laraaji played some sublime music

oh - how do I sleep with all this divine sound?

Thank God for providing and alleviating all my doubts....

om shantih, shantih, shantih

Family and Invidual Exploration of Interior Life

From Caroline Myss's e-mail messages:

Why are this medieval nun’s life and thoughts and practices relevant to our lives and spiritual practice today?

What makes great spiritual teachers great? Why does their work remain relevant for centuries? The reason is that they transcend the boundaries and limits of their own traditions and reach the level of cosmic truth – truth that applies to the eternal human experience. That is the nature of St. Teresa’s work. For example, she addresses the human struggle with power, the need for recognition, the delicate struggle with the control one’s family has over an individual and the need that individual has to break free in order to discover her or himself. I don’t know any other spiritual teacher who even articulates that need, and yet I have met hundreds of people who struggle with the crisis of feeling divided between their desire to explore their interior life and still remain a primary nurturing figure in the family. Exploring your interior life, by the way, does not in any way mean that you have the desire to leave or abandon your family. Yet, that is so often the fear on both sides of the deeper spiritual experience: that an individual cannot have a rich interior life and a rich exterior life. This is simply not true. The ideal is to blend the two. By dividing the two, keeping your soul separated from your physical life, you create the endless suffering that comes from always searching for where you belong in this world.

Self-Confidence

* Sharon 's Commentary: Sharon Saltzburg is a Vipassana teacher in the States.*

This (below) is one of my favorite passages for many reasons. It beautifully
exemplifies the extraordinary compassion of the Buddha. The mind of the Buddha
sees only suffering and the end of suffering, and exhorts those heading toward
suffering to take care, to pay attention, rather than condemning them. He sees
those heading towards the end of suffering and rejoices for them.

It also inspires a feeling of self-confidence within one -- it can be done... I
can do it. Many times if I find difficulty in the teaching, when I am very
honest about it, it is because I fear I am not capable of actualizing it. When
I feel confidence in myself, my love for the teachings grows exponentially.

When I first went to Sayadaw U Pandita for metta instructions he asked me if I
thought I was going to be successful at it and I thought, "He's looking for
conceit." I replied, "Well, I don't know whether I'll be successful or not." He
then shook his head dolefully, and said: "You must always approach things with
the attitude that you can be successful. This is what the Buddha taught."

Abandon what is unwholesome, oh monks!
One can abandon the unwholesome, oh monks!
If it were not possible, I would not ask you to do so.
If this abandoning of the unwholesome would bring harm and suffering,
I would not ask you to abandon it.
But as the abandoning of the unwholesome brings benefit and happiness,
Therefore, I say, 'Abandon what is unwholesome!'
Cultivate what is wholesome, oh monks.
One can cultivate the wholesome.
If it were not feasible, I would not ask you to do it.
If this cultivation of the wholesome would bring harm and suffering,
I would not ask you to cultivate it.
But as the cultivation of the wholesome brings benefit and happiness,
Therefore, I say, 'Cultivate what is wholesome!'

/Anguttara-Nikaya/

from Nirmala Devi's Daily Inspiration e-mails

Awakening Only Begins a Process

From: 'After the Ecstasy, the Laundry'
by Jack Kornfield

Awakening Only Begins a Process

One of Buddhism's best-known maps of awakening comes from
the Theravada tradition of the Elders of Southeast Asia. The
Elders' map describes enlightenment as four progressive stages
of "Noble Understanding," each of which brings a new level of
freedom. The initial stage is called "Entering the Stream." Stream
entry occurs when we have our first taste of the absolute
freedom of enlightenment, a freedom of the heart beyond all
the changing conditions of the world.

Like satori or kensho (a profound awakening) in Zen, stream
entry brings a breathtaking change of understanding. In this
first enlightenment a person sees through the illusion of separate
self, releases identification with body and mind, and awakens to
the timeless peace of Nirvana. Through it the direction of our life
is forever changed, and we enter a stream that will carry us to
greater freedom as inevitably as a swift-flowing current carries
a leaf to the sea.

But even though we have seen the truth, the Elders say, further
purification remains necessary for us to transform our character
and embody this new understanding in our life. Thus begins the
journey from stream entry to the second stage, "Returning Again."
Through a deep process, often requiring many years, we discover
and release the coarsest habits of grasping and aversion that re-
create our fearful and limited sense of self. Attaining the second
stage requires a continual and heartfelt attention to the suffering
that comes when we cling to our desires and fears, to our ideas
and ideals. As these forces of human life are understood, they
lose their hold on us. Finally, in a deep realization, the strongest
forces of desire, grasping, anger, and fear significantly drop
away. We fulfill the second stage.

The third stage the Elders call " Non- Returning." In this we are
irrevocably released from any remaining desire, grasping, anger,
and fear, nevermore to return to their sway. The very few who
progress to this third stage do so through a long process of
abiding in profound calm and emptiness. When wisdom grows,
the subtle movements of clinging in the heart are abandoned
the moment they arise. At this stage we rest in freedom and the
reality of the present, and the heart's deep peace is rarely
disturbed.

Finally comes the fourth and most extraordinary stage, called
"Great Awakening," in which the last traces of subtle clinging
even to joy, freedom, and meditation itself-fall away. Now
without the slightest identification with self, we are freed
from the vestiges of pride, judgment, restlessness, and separation
that veil pure being. The radiance of our true nature shines
unhindered throughout our life.

This map of the Elders explains how it is possible that a person
who has experienced an obvious and deep enlightenment can still
be caught in greed, anger, and delusion. After stream entry, a
person can give genuinely inspired teachings on realization and
illumination, yet still not be living them. That is why further
stages of awakening are essential.

Most masters agree that after the first illumination, there can
still arise periods of fear, confusion, loss of spiritual bearings,
and unskillful conduct. No matter how compelling the vision, how
profound the initial sense of freedom and grace, a process of
maturation must follow. Over the years I have not seen a single
Westerner for whom this was not true, and it seems to be true
for most Asian teachers as well. If we fail to acknowledge this
truth, we simply fool ourselves. When a proud mother once
announced to Mullah Nasruddin, "My son has finished his
studies," Nasruddin replied., "No doubt God will send him more."
It is like that for us all.

from Nirmala Devi's Daily Inspirations