Yogafly2

Trust the Unknown

Trust the unknown.

I keep hearing this.

Very good.  Very good.  Very good.  The known is just the "past."

And the past is an illusion.  

That I stand on and do a thousand million jigs.

Dance with me, will ya?

Rebirth

It's nice to die.

I get it now.

I am dying.

so that I AM can be born.

I'm bored with the old games.

Old friends.

Old ways of being.

So bored I can hardly pretend to even be interested in all the game-playing.

So we drop all of it and 

dance

dance

dance

sing

sing 

sing

jump

jump

jump

play the piano

my goddess how I love to play the piano....I know, I know, I can play and play pachelbel's canon in d...I keep trying to get out of this paradigm but it's just so brilliant...so I did start playing around with Goldberg Variations (Bach)  that is just so pleasing - those first few notes.

And there's really no need for anything else.  Dum da da dum dah dum dum.  duh duh dum.  Dum deee duh duh duh dum. Da da dum.

so I'm looking for a grand piano in a home that I call my own where I can play to the sky.  And mine own ears.  No one else's.  Only the inhuman ears can listen, as they listen to me now.

If I could be two places at once

I would be here for 4th of July:

http://aio.artsny.org/2009/06/gangavataran/

as well as in Texas.

Pandit Satya Narayan Charka is such an amazing master of dance.  In the few productions, I have been that he has directed, I have learned an incredible lot.  

Take it slow, yo!

Umm, this one is difficult for me.  This whole taking it slow business.  But hey, I'm working on it.  I realize that the heaviness of the wonderful sun and heat of Austin help me really just take things one moment at a time instead of all at once.  I'm quite the multi-tasker.

But of course it's something to do with a teaching from Ramakrishna where he talks about the mother who is working at her sewing machine, nursing a baby and talking to a customer - something like this - all at once.  And all in that wonderful word that reminds me of Sawyer-ji - "simultaneously."  I don't have to mantra, make food, create my hitlist (hot sheet, hot sheet, hot sheet) for the day and accomplish it all THAT day.  I can do it one day at a time.  

Or so I like to tell myself.  

But it's good.  I'm enjoying myself taking it slow.  I've managed to teach myself around ten kirtans to play on my harmonium.  But mostly, I have been playing the Hanuman Chaleesa.  I think it's because I have Neem Karoli Baba and Hanuman on my left wrist.  They like it when I play the Hanuman Chaleesa.  I quite enjoy it myself.  

I'm going to start teaching once a week for 2.25 hours at the Love Yoga Co-op on South Lamar - Saturday afternoons at 2 pm.  Why?  This is the time Joan Suval has her afternoon program going on in New York State's Ananda Ashram - and we will TUNE in together.  Feel the vibration.

I have also gotten quite into the Mandukhya Upanishad with Guruji teaching.  "Jumping from the known to the unknown."  Not "monkey" Upanishad, he says, and everyone giggles (this is on CD), because monkeys jump from known to known.  Whereas frogs jump from land to sea - "known to unknown."  

And asana - I realize I have not been practicing asana to the extent that an asana teacher should - thankfully, I'm not branding myself any longer as simply an asana teacher.  I am a yoga transmitter.  I am a yoga radio.  laugh here.  But I'm also serious.  I am a cosmic television.  I almost totally understand this teaching now of Guruji's.  Yes, I know, it's only taken me a few lifetimes.

Just like Sanskrit.  I'm a bit ashamed of my baby baby Sanskrit.  Especially in light of the fact that I've been studying it many lifetimes.  But I do love this Self no matter what.  That's all that counts.

The Ganesh puja with Anita OmKari Gottfried and Jana.

The Guru Gita with Anita, Jana and Eileen.

Meditation every day with Anita.  Our fire ceremonies.

Hamilton Pool.

Barton Springs.

Sadie the golden three year old goddess with whom I get to play everyday!

My wonderful new apartment.

Applying for jobs.

Dating.   I do love my dad for telling everyone that he doesn't care if I ever marry.  That's a good dad.  He's always on the side of his children's apparent realities.

Or maybe it's because I've trained him and my mom enough - when anyone asks why I'm not married (I'm ancient by Catholic Filipino standards), I always say, "because I haven't met my husband."

Svaha.  Apparently, I've been married in many other lifetimes - and it's not as important as everyone makes it out to be.  It will happen if it's supposed to happen.  In the meantime, I'm quite happy in this skin.

Taking it slowly, one Upanishad at a time.

is it possible for my right hand to explode?

Question I asked my massage therapist yesterday.  Intriguing as this heart chakra opens how my hands feel so much shaktih moving into them that they feel like, literally, exploding.  When I first had a huge kundalini awakening - the whole body began to buzz and it felt like I had some sort of live wire plugged into everything in the body that was trying to expand it in every direction.  But the greatest manifestation were in the hands.  My right hand flapped like it was waving at you for a long time.  And then the hand went numb.  And I got some reiki on it at a Shyamdas kirtan from my buddy Siddhartha, the M.D. psychiatrist.  And that seemed to help move it along.

Anyhow, the same sort of energey releases are happening again.  I do wish my heart stuff would relax a bit.  I keep wondering if running a marathon would help it.  svaha.  svaha.  svaha.

Sanskrit

"When you chant in Sanskrit, God comes after you." - Guruji

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

ammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

realization that I tend to want to do other people's work for them.  Why?  Because I feel sorry for people.  Isn't this ridiculous?  Like my intention is so wrong.  Like I should feel sorry for God's children.  Such an ego.  And then I'm like, I'll do that for you.  Because you don't know how to express your feelings.  So I'll express them for you.  But then I leave the person in a worse mess than they ever came to me in.  So I'm stopping this now.  It's a good thing.  A Very good thing.  So much love!!!!!!!!!!!

and bliss in dissolution

Shri Shankaracharya.  It's so wonderful to have this lineage of teachers.  sometimes I feel so utterly alone in this modern world.  that Ilovetohatetoloveto svaha. svaha. svaha.  Nisargadatta Maharaj was right..."until you realize that this world is full of suffering and to be born is a travesty" - or something extreme like this...can you then begin to understand that "you were never born and will never die."

"The real never dies.  The unreal is never born." 

- Nisargadatta Maharaj.

The real Gurus like to be tested.  Guruji is telling me ENOUGH.  of this nonsense.  And to just practice.  I got it today.  At Mudita Yoga Center (it's really not mine and Shawn's yoga studio, it's really everyone's yoga space) - It was nice to come home to see the door wide open and everyone gathered for evening Dharma Punx meditation.  Which was sublime.

Spent all day yesterday with Amma Karunamayi Ma in total silence for most of the day.  That just brought up so much.  Because I went in DEEP.  Into the vast darkness of silence.  Astonishing as I saw all my Ashram sisters and brothers - Ananda Ashram - Durga Devi too - all the way from San Fran.  And I could feel all of us go deep.  Guruji comes through all Gurus for this one. 

And when I got home - I LOST it.  Completely went bonkers.  That was such a maya.  Lila.  maya.  Lila.  All the same.  But I LOST it.  because I needed to lose all that.  And it's interesting as it's all just as real as the total bliss I felt today.  I was actually asking God why it was that even if I felt complete serenity and bliss did I still have PAIN?  And loneliness.  And grief?  And sorrow?  And Guruji again, explaining that these things don't go away.   Desire.  Wanting.  all that.  But look, feel how blissed you are around all that?

true.  In meditation today with our lovely Dharma Punx, "So Ham"  hum.  so sweet in my heart like petals. sweet love.  And just now chanting the Hanuman Chalisa for Hanuman.  The nadam is so loud here at Mudita - like such an embrace of the divine.  But who is here with me?  No one anymore.  Just me.  And you.  And no one at all.

and love itself.

At Marshall's I found 5 pairs of shoes.  that are so perfect for these feet that I have in this wee lifetime.  Five.  I was dancing around in them and laughing.  And talking to my picture in the mirror - the picture that I am not - how I had died and gone to heaven.  Giggling like a delighted child.  I run into Illeana and her child - who shared in my rapture for a bit. 

Happiness is so many people signed up for Mudita Yoga Center's Spring Cleanse with New Leaf Pharmacy.  This is a very special place up here in the Catskills.  I am so happy to be able to call this home.  Even if my body is in Austin somewhere.   "Consider the whole world your home,"  Guruji tells me again and again.  I take his words quite literally.

Saprema,
Sumukhi
Yogafly
Lanuza

Past Lives

Guruji - "Many want to know who they were in past lives.  Who are you now?  Know who you are in the present.  You are not alive.  The body is alive.  The body will die.  Know who you are."

- Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati

Chapter 15 - Bhagavad Gita

Guruji - perfection.  It's exactly what I needed today.  This lesson.  I bow to Guruji's lotus feet.  You can get this recorded at Ananda Ashram - his teachings are profound.  about the ego.   and enlightenment.

na rupam "so attached to concepts, images, to the form.  life time after lifetime you chase after concepts."

like he's talking straight at me.  This is the thing with trusting my Guruji.  He gives such strong lessons, that it's difficult for my big ass ego to get outta the way. 

I'm going to stop beating myself up for not being this idea of "sattvic" that I keep trying to be.  It's sort of hilarious.

"don't jump out of the window when you reach enlightenment.  you will be so happy."

shariram yad avapnoti

I have to concentrate now to chant with himmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

The wandering mendicant

I've moved a million times.  And I'll tell you what always comes with me is a large photo of Guruji (Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati) and Bhagavan (Ramana Maharshi).  Darshan with Bhagavan always reminds me of who I really am.     They both talk to me, you know?  It's hard to explain how they talk to me - because it's not always in words.  And very rarely in English.  But words are not the only means of communication.

I just practice tratakam with Bhagavan - look at this gaze - neither inward nor outward.  A complete immersion.

Today,  I spend time with Amma Karunamayi.  So lucky am I to be able to spend time in the company of saints - both in their bodies and outside.  They teach me to love every aspect of this beingness.  Every single atom of it.  Every single thing.  But without any attachment.

Floating on air I felt yesterday - really like I could leap and leap and the sky would just reach around and grab me and hold me in her blue sky love.  And intrigue of intrigues, it's not as if I didn't have one of the most hellishly difficult days of moving on Monday.  Yet it was also quite sublime in its own Hanuman way.  Hanuman all around playing tricks on me.  Oh where are the keys?  Oh the car has turned off - zipcar - times out.  And darling Sue in the midst of it all.  All the angels who come out and help in NYC.  New York City is filled to the brim with angels.

And here's my own theory of why the goddess loves Manhattan so much.  It's shaped like the most beautiful lingam (penis).  With all those beautiful phallic buildings pointing straight up at the goddess of the night and day skies.  The goddess laughs with bliss and joy and plays again and again on this city of mighty lingams.  Bhagavan is just laughing at my silly play.... 

Now realize, will ya, Sumukhi?  c'mon now.  with love.  from me to you....

Texas BBQ Yoga

Somehow this concept puts me in such states  of laughter that I start crying.  My Ashram brothers, Ronnie (Ron, I just like to call him Ronnie), Barry, Chet, Jimbo (Jim, I just like to call him Jimbo), Mark, Luke and one sista at the table, Erin - and I were talking about Yoga in Texas.  they asked what kind of yoga existed in Texas.  And I said RonnieYoga, JimBo Yoga and ChetBarryJimboYoga.  This started my giggle fest.  Oh how I love to crack myself up.  And then we were talking about Ashrams in Texas.  And I said I would start one, and that it would be called Texas Barbecue Yoga.

TXBBQYoga.com

This concept is so perfect, it just makes me laugh.  Of course, this was just to entertain the New Yorkers, don't get offended, my Texan friends.

Luke came up and told us that someone had graffitied "Ahimsa=Vegan" in the men's dorm at the Ashram.  I asked him if it was in Sanskrit.  He said, no it was in Roman letters!  Ah! 

TXBBQYoga will be vegan, don't worry my friends.  It will be all about the sauce.

on a serious note, Luke - the clairvoyant - asked me about Prema Yoga - which I never told him about.  He was speaking of Mudita.  Everything already exists in the ether - the akasha.  You just have to trust it.

Om to Guruji and Joan Suval

Satsang yesterday with Joan and Guruji - intense. The heart center, city of Brahman, has been undergoing physical and spiritual tremors. The kind where I'm not sure if it's because I have not done enough cardio lately but then my left arm will suddenly shoot up during meditation. And I realize the tremor in the heart is the origin. It's not common that people with heart disease have manifestations like this kriya.

In satsang yesterday, Joan, in full Guruji mode - what a fabulous combo of forces - asked me directly what my question is. And explained to the group that I have been with Guruji many lifetimes. And she asked me why is it that I have that mistrust, that knot (granthi Vishnu) in the heart? And I said, I wish I knew! And Joan explained that the answer was in the question.

And Dorothy - sitting next to Joan - said "look, she's thinking hard, Joan," about my face as it looked up at them. And I was thinking that I didn't have a question, not really. I just had this feeling in my chest, in my heart - palpable, big, tremors, vibrations. And Joan said so what is it about trust? And spoke to the group as I sat there and felt that I was going to cry. But that wasn't the question nor the answer either.

"Do not seek illumination unless you seek it like a man whose hair is on fire seeks a pond." - Ramakrishna. These words I read in "Franny & Zooey" in 6th grade/7th grade when I realized that this "illumination" thing was what I wanted in this life. But what the heck is it??????

And all of a sudden, I got it! And I said just that, "I got it!" And I began to explain that even though I have always DONE everything through intuition, not through intelligence, really. I am very average in terms of intelligence, but I can intuit the right answer in any given moment - even when it pisses everyone off. That even though I shot from the hip. That I did not trust this intuition, the feelings inside, the guidance inside - UNTIL I had my thinking mind analyze it. And when my thinking mind gets in the way - BAM the heart chakra gets all knotted up - knots upon knots upon knots as Joan says.

And just this REALIZATION - AHA!!!!!!

is going to switch the whole paradigm of this existence. woah. I mean seriously, it's TREMENDOUS. For something tremendous has happened...

now I have to go do the laundry. and empty my car out. and get it ready for the mechanic - whom Guruji guided me too. I mean, seriously yesterday, Guruji came to me 1) wondering why I was driving the wrong direction and ended up at the right Gulf station in Monroe where Armando will make sure my car is in good shape to drive across the country and 2) in the form of the Red Hot Chili Peppers when I was thinking about my STUFF -- I turn on the radio and I get, "GIVE it away, give it away, give it away now. Give it away, give it away, give it away now..." So there was no qualms about donating everything to the Ashram - have fun with the stuff. Donating to St. Something church down the street. Giving stuff away in NYC. the only things I'm keeping are books and clothes. amazing how stuff comes any way.

And the stories from Dave Washburn of Guruji's maha siddhis. And this quote from Neem Karoli Baba when asked about Sai Baba's siddhis - including manifestation of vibbhuti:
"He has reduced God to the miraculous."

phenomenal explanation. Phenomenal explanation. the mundane is also the sacred. the sacred is also the mundane. Now let me remember this as I clean out my car now...

OM NAMAH Shivaya.

And Krishnamurti's Coca-cola, coca-cola, coca-cola mantra buzzing with fizzy pop. pop. pop. pop. we don't stop.

Volare!

one of my favorite words - in every language - "Volare!  Cantare!" - Gypsy Kings style

Joan Suval asked me to sing it in her satsang on Saturday.  To demonstrate that energy is bigger than matter. 

That lovely question that I get asked - "Are you a singer?"

Nah.  I just love to sing:

Tell me "who am I?"

Not this body, nor this mind.

Tell me "who am I?"

Not this body, nor this mind.

I am the light that illumines the world.

We are the lights that illumine the world.

Dorothy asked me and Tina on Sunday

at Ananda Ashram - with her arms wrapped around me and Tina on either side of her (she's my Jewish grandmother, taught me how to be a princess)

"What is the purpose of life?"

And Tina Zym and I said simultaneously -

Tina: "Love"

Me: "Bliss"

in Unison - and Jyotana - said well, it's the same thing, isn't it?

Yoga and Stress Management

I forget that this job that I have is quite stressful until I realize what having absolutely no stress is about.  Like this past weekend.

I only have 3.5 days left of this wonderful job - which I completely appreciate for every dimension it has taught me - and for all the amazing people I have met here.  But really, it's an incredibly stressful environment.  Deadlines galore.  And managing 1001 deadlines. 

How to do it, while staying meditative?  In deep refreshing meditation?  That's the key to all of this.  Also lots of time away from it.  I took 2 months off last year. 

This year - it's time for my 2 months off again.  Work is always present.  It's the non-work that I have to "work" towards.

You should see how much I get done when I'm completely relaxed........amazing grace.

Shawn Harrison gives good relaxation.  Yoga nidra in class with her yesterday - my whole heart energy shifted.  Bliss.

Perspective is a wonderful thing

And in my advertising world..."for everything else, there's MasterCard."

http://www.dropular.net

total silence with Nisargadatta Maharaj yesterday and the day before, leading the way.

How to get the 4th state?  Questioner asks. 

1.  Waking

2.  Dreaming

3.  Deep Sleep

4.  Turiya

And Maharaj answers - through "desirelessness and fearlessness"

astonishing dream last night that just held this form seized in fear - and one of the other states woke up and began to chant Om Namah Shivaya.  The body relaxed.  And intriguingly, it realized a lesson in fearlessness. 

powerful mantra, this Om Namah Shivaya. 

Om Namah Shivaya.

Sunrise Yoga on Broadway

And the neon lights are bright on Broadway....

The brilliant mind of Mayor Bloomberg has it so that Times Square will be closed off to street traffic - it will be total pedestrian landia.  How awesome is this meritocrat?

And there will be Yoga at Dawn.  First 724 people to sign up get in...

Om to New York.

Many Pranams to Clayton Horton and YSSF

I highly encourage everyone who would like a 200 Hour Yoga Teacher Training integrating all aspects of Yoga (not just asana), the way we do at Ananda Ashram

(if the Board of Education of the State of New York did not just help us cancel, yes, with the help of the Boards that run Ananda Ashram our 2009 Yoga Teacher Training ------ yes, my anger has finally subsided) ---->yes, peace-loving yoginis who are very happy and  mostly blissful have anger.  And I don't see it as an issue.  It is just anger.  And sadness.  And all the passing emotions of which, I am not...

Anyway, back to Clayton Horton - and Yoga Society of San Francisco and Ananda Ashram's sister Ashram - Brahmananda Ashram - they will give you the whole shebang and not just asana.  And you can really, truly say you teach yoga and not just a bunch of exercises that could really be classified under various forms of physical exercise, including gymanstics

(I'm saying this as an ex-gym-nast ("kris-stinky" they called me because I would smell like a gym locker after gymnastics practice, I still smell like a gym locker after I run, etcetera...it's quite beautiful and foul at the same time)....

Go here:

http://www.yssf.com/index.htm

and infinite pranams to all of you who still love me even when I have my tempestuous temper tantrums. 

When the State Regulates Yoga

Bharati shared the following article with us from the Daily News:

I will have to say that I read the first paragraph with my train buddy hedge fund investor on our Blackberries.  But I am wearing flip-flops and my corporate-ish dress.  And the reason why we need the gentleness of yoga so much is because we are tense in New York.  The whole entire city is tense and constantly on the frenzy. 

Begs the question on what is YOGA?  I have been chanting the Bhagavad Gita again and again....What is yoga to the masses?  What is Yoga to Ananda Ashram?  What is Yoga to the State of New York?

Albany fools tie yoga in knots: State bureaucratic crackdown is downright crazy

Tuesday, May 19th 2009, 4:00 AM

You might think of the people who run yoga studios as sandal-wearing, granola-crunching sorts who would sooner wrap a leg around their neck than harm a flea. But in the eyes of Albany bureaucrats, these gentle souls are a threat to public order.

That's the silly upshot of scary letters that the state Education Department fired off to studios across New York last month.

In dense legalese, the letters accuse the studios of breaking the law - and threaten to slap them with $50,000 fines.

Their alleged crime? Training future yoga instructors without a license.

There's only one thing wrong with the state making this charge: It's utter nonsense. Not a single yoga studio in the state has ever applied for or received a license before. In fact, the notion of requiring yoga studios to get licenses never even occurred to state officials until a month or so ago.

What changed? Someone in the Bureau of Proprietary School Supervision heard that other states were regulating yoga studios and decided that New York should get in on the action.

So, dozens of otherwise law-abiding small businesses were suddenly told they were violating Section 5001(1) of the Education Law, operating a professional school without a license.

The letters instructed studios to "cease operating" immediately - even if they were in the middle of a training session with future instructors who had already paid thousands of dollars each.

The studios were warned not to start up again until they're properly licensed. There's a $250 application fee, a $50 registration fee for instructors and directors and a $100 fee for school agents. They must also pay to have their curriculum reviewed - by whom and according to what standards, no one can say.

The whole nightmarish process, studios were initially told, would take eight to 12 months. That delay could well force some studios to shut down permanently.

"We're a very small, independent neighborhood studio," said Liz Buehler of Yoga High on the lower East Side. "Teacher training coming up in September was going to be a big source of revenue for us. We're concerned we're not going to have the resources to go through a lengthy licensing process with the state - not to mention the fees."

State bureaucrats couldn't care less. To them, passing along a 2,500-year-old spiritual tradition falls into the same category as training plumbers or pet groomers. Officials say they have to protect tuition-paying students - and the people who attend their future yoga classes - from fly-by-night operators.

But the danger to consumers is entirely theoretical. Department spokesman Tom Dunn acknowledged to me that it has never in its history received a complaint about subpar yoga training.

And even if you accept the need for new regulations, the department has no excuse for the Kafkaesque way it has handled enforcement.

One day, the state raised not a finger. The next, it was telling studios to shut down instantly.

The officials kept saying, in effect, "We have no choice. The law is the law." If so, the law is stupid and should be changed.

The Education Department - chastened ever-so-slightly by the blowback - has softened its line a bit, meeting with yoga studios to "discuss various options for compliance," Dunn said.

He added that the department now believes it can issue licenses in as little as 30 days - which is a lot better than eight months, but still not good enough.

Education Commissioner Richard Mills and Board of Regents Chancellor Merryl Tisch should tell their people to back off. It's not the yoga studios' fault that the Education Department failed to enforce its own law all this time.

Owners deserve a little fair warning. Better yet, one of the more evolved members of the Legislature should put in a bill to exempt yoga studios from government nosiness altogether.

New Yorkers need all the relaxing exercise they can get in these tense times. Albany should take a cleansing breath - and let the people bend and twist in peace.

whammond@nydailynews.com

 
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/opinions/2009/05/19/2009-05-19_albany_fools_tie_yoga_in_knots_state_bureaucratic_crackdown_is_downright_crazy.html#ixzz0G2qEWcPb&B

Ganesh is Fresh

MC Yogi:  "You say Jai, I say Ganesh"

Jai

Ganesh

Jai 

Ganesh

And then Bhagavan Das chimes in with "Jai Ganesha, Jai Ganesha..."

Here's me and Ganesha at Jivamukti Yoga School for the Ananda Ashram Spring Gala.  Me and Sunny Sims, the ocean of Sunny - we chant the Hanuman Chaleesa together and burst into giggles of rapture...

More photos soon: